Dallas Weekend Weather: It Is Literally the Apocalypse
Uptown on Monday
Hold on to your hats, both metaphorical and physical, because this weekend is going to get a little wild. I don't know what the deal is with weather specifically on Sundays, but all we can really infer is that none of us are going to church enough, and the Lord is furious.
This Sunday He's finally had enough, and has decide to pull the plug on the long-running city of Dallas. Thankfully the Lord has seen fit to give us advance warning of the end via His mouthpiece St. Delkus.
— Pete Delkus (@wfaaweather) April 25, 2014
As you can see, this is pretty much the thing all the Christians were warning us about. Staying indoors isn't going to cut it this time. If you start digging your bunker now, you might get far enough down to put up some sort of rudimentary shelter, but what are you going to do after the storm? How will you rebuild? Dallas will be gone. There won't be any shops. You might have to move to Houston, the center of which will be converted into a giant refugee camp to house those fleeing North Texas. Here's an artist's impression of how Dallas will look on Monday. During the daytime.
As a public service, we've found an advice video for you. Repent now, ye sinners.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Observer's biggest stories.
- Houston vs Dallas: How Super Bowl Performers Stack Up
Thu., Feb. 11, 7:00pm
Fri., Feb. 12, 8:00pm
Sat., Feb. 13, 2:00pm
Sat., Feb. 13, 7:00pm
- A Texas Doctor Again Puts on His Hat as Virus Hunter
- Why the Crackdown on K2 Among Downtown's Homeless Won't Work