Don't Mean a Thing

When we last visited the hamlet of Burleson--in last week's cover story, "Sex Toy Story" by Glenna Whitley--the big question on many minds was whether Chris and Joanne Webb are "swingers."

In a just world, the only answer required would be "none of your damn business, Bub," but this is not a just world. The Webbs' sex life became Major News after authorities last year busted Joanne for selling undercover cops two vibrators. Joanne Webb hosts "Passion Parties," a sort of modern-day variation on Tupperware parties, except the products being peddled are vibrators, lubricants and various other sex-related items. Selling vibrators as sexual devices is against the law in Texas--particularly in Burleson, a place that apparently is about as sexually liberated as Saudi Arabia. The story was about a particularly absurd variation of small-town blue-nosery and moralistic Christian vindictiveness, but we left open the question as to whether the Webbs are swingers, despite widespread rumors that they were.

Thanks to an e-mail tipster, and a confirmation from Chris Webb, we can now report that the rumors are fact. Let the twittering begin, Burleson. Our e-mail writer pointed us to a Web site called Swingers Date Club, where the Webbs once posted messages. One post from Chris included this cheerful announcement: "I just jacked off. Yep, the smell of cum just followed me back into the office...damn, I'm thinkin' so clearly!"

We hear you, brother, but do you gotta tell the world?

In an e-mail to Whitley confirming that the posts were theirs, Chris Webb wrote: "I wrote extensively on many subjects. I guess I sort of became the unofficial chaplain there. I will say that the very best friends we have now we met there. Since you've made it into the SDC site, you must have at least ran a search and seen the large number of folks in Johnson County in that club. All variety of folks, all shapes and sizes and ages, and many Christians. I had more real fellowship with those folks in the short time we were in SDC than in the very long time I was in ministry." (If Buzz had known all this time what Christians actually meant by "fellowship," we would have been baptized a long time ago.)

Opening up their marriage to frank communication and sexual experimentation helped save it, Webb wrote. "Of course, it is our strong[ly] held opinion that it is no one's business what we do in our sex lives," he added.

We generally agree. Unfortunately, once you start talking to the media about issues of sexual liberation and civil liberties, it's in for a penny, in for a pound. We felt obligated to tell the complete story. Sorry about that, Webbs.

Now, on to the complaints about our cover featuring Joanne Webb holding a birthday cake with a large vibrator stuck in it: We're definitely not sorry about that, despite the fact that some businesses removed our news racks last week. One of the points of our story was to put our thumbs in the eyes of the petty pea-patch mullahs who think that siccing the law on a woman for selling devices that help other women get off is just. We stridently disagree--for reasons of civil, not sexual, liberty--and nothing says that better than sticking a big pink joy buzzer on our cover. If the sight left you tense and upset...well, might we suggest some techniques for relaxation and clear thinking?

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