East Dallas Is ...

"And East Dallas is like, 'Oh, we're so cool 'cause we have a lake and nature 'n' shit,' and the rest of Dallas is all 'Oh big whoop, a lake. We wouldn't even.'" But then the rainbow comes out. Damn East Dallas.
"And East Dallas is like, 'Oh, we're so cool 'cause we have a lake and nature 'n' shit,' and the rest of Dallas is all 'Oh big whoop, a lake. We wouldn't even.'" But then the rainbow comes out. Damn East Dallas.

We've been seeing signs up at places around town. "East Dallas is ..." they say. And yeah, we wondered what that was about, and lo, the Internet gods answered us with a press release.

It's a marketing thing. Most things are.

"Here's the scoop - the first phase of the 'East Dallas Is' social media campaign recently launched and seeks to rally the entire community around enhancing the value of living in, doing business in, spending money in and playing in the East Dallas community," the release said. You can follow the campaign on Facebook and Instagram and even submit your own photos or phrases that fill in the blank. Then there'll be a "big reveal" in March.

Now, we love East Dallas. Tons of readers there (thanks, guys). Boss Joe lives there. Schutze lives there. So we thought we'd play. Here goes: East Dallas is ...

... desperately in need of a Sam's Club with an unobstructed view of White Rock Lake. ... secretly bitter and jealous about all the attention Bishop Arts gets. ... overrun with rats as big and shifty as Kim Jong Un. ... midway between the Park Cities and Mesquite in every possible way. ... a lot friendlier since Avi Adelman moved. (Correction: As Adelman points out in the comments, he's still in East Dallas.) ... the record holder for pot holes per square mile. ... the future home of Dallas' first weed stores. ... totally cool with that business you want to open, just not, you know, in that specific spot. ... "So ... diverse!" --our friends in Plano ... where the prettiest bike trail no one uses is. ... home to the best street tacos in Dallas at Taqueria Pinocho, but don't tell the hipsters. Send them to Barbec's for old style diner food instead. They'll love it. ... home to ... Barbec's? Still? Jesus, wash that grease trap into the lake already. ... falling into the lake, one square inch at a time, dammit. ... an innocent victim of lake envy from the rest of Dallas. ... a place where saying the word McMansion out loud might get you shot. ... the only place in Dallas where the customers make the hippy clerks at Whole Foods feel less holistic-than-thou. ... soon to be entirely gluten and GMO-free. ... reminiscent of Austin, for better and worse. ... the very definition of an SMU students' idea of "urban." ... best neighborhood to pee in strangers yards without getting arrested or shot. ... home to more feral cats than people. ... the hangout for all the stray dogs that couldn't cut it in South Dallas and like the taste of cat. ... where Lance Armstrong would live if he lived in Dallas. ... home to many vibrant, unique and fun shops, bars and restaurants, six free parking spots and 1,237 valet stands. ... exactly the type of place that would pay a PR firm good money to come up with a social media hashtag. ... way better than a brand.


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