FF's First-Ever Holiday Gift Guide

The Turd Twister ( As featured on So Graham Norton, this cheap ($9.95) starter kit helps you pass the time by shaping your poo like Christmas cookies. North Texas Exotic Car Rental ( Daily prices start at $299 for a Porsche Boxster and go up to $1,495 for a Ferrari 360 Modena. Hourly rates, too. Hummers available. Peter Petrie Egg Separator ( Billed as the most unappetizing kitchen tool ever, this is a great gift ($12.99) for the idiot in your family. Or your friends with poor taste. Mavs Man Appearance Package ( Why just be annoyed at the Dallas Mavericks mascot at the games? You can pay up to $1,200 to have him figuratively kick you in the junk anytime! Sky King Tricycle ( What spoiled brat doesnt need his or her own overpriced hunk of retro-cool? At only $199, you can thumb your nose at the poor in style. Knurled Recipe Cocktail Shaker ( There are few better gifts than drinkin gifts ($49). And this tells you how to make the drinks. With its knurls. Thats why its knurled. Ceramic Smoking Baby ( Does this really need explanation? Its ceramic. Its a baby. Its $4.95. And it smokes. Semenex ( The Web site says Semenex ($13.95 to $49.95) is an all-natural, patented powder drink for men that safely and effectively sweetens semen as it is produced in the male. What about that doesnt scream, Christmas?

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