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For Our Homies

As another year draws to a close, we pause for a cause: remembering some of those who left us in 2002. Join us in tipping our 40s in honor of our "Top 50 Homies Who Couldn't Be Here N Shit."

Stanley Marcus, department-store magnate

Dave Thomas, Wendy's founder

Ted Demme, director and creator of Yo! MTV Raps

Dave Williams, Drowning Pool

Peggy Lee, singer

Trust in corporate accounting

Ted Williams, baseball legend

Milton Berle, comedian

Dudley Moore, actor

Billy Wilder, director

The death of the death of irony

Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mum

Waylon Jennings, singer

Robert Urich, actor

John LaBella, local radio personality

Linda Lovelace, star of Deep Throat

Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, TLC

Bill Blass, designer

Dave Campo's coaching career

Michelle Parma, former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and cast member on MTV's Road Rules

Ann Landers, advice columnist

John Entwistle, The Who

Rosemary Clooney, singer

Laura Miller's conscience

John Frankenheimer, director

Rod Steiger, actor

Harwood K. Smith, founder of HKS Architects, designer of Reunion Arena

The Democratic Party

Lionel Hampton, musician

Johnny Unitas, NFL quarterback

Dennis Patrick, "Vaughan Leland" on Dallas

Rolling Stone

LaWanda Page, "Aunt Esther" on Sanford and Son

Stephen Ambrose, historian-writer (Band of Brothers)

Richard Harris, actor

Dee Dee Ramone, The Ramones

The Char-Bar sign (thanks a pantload, Avi)

Jam Master Jay, Run-DMC

Billie Bird, grandmother who stayed in Sam's room in Sixteen Candles

401(k)s

"Bullet" Bob Hayes, Dallas Cowboys receiver

Michael Irvin's days of drugs and whores (apparently)

James Coburn, actor

The Mark Cuban Show (pretty please?)

Ruth Handler, creator of Barbie; helped develop first prosthetic breast

Marty Schramm, wife of former Dallas Cowboys president Tex Schramm

Jonathan Harris, "Dr. Smith" on Lost in Space

Steve Woods, morning DJ at KRNB-FM

Joe Strummer, the Clash

Ron Kirk's political career

-- Zac Crain


Kaboom

Alistair Millar is vice president and director of the Washington, D.C., office of the Fourth Freedom Forum, an independent research organization that sponsors scholarly conferences and research fellowships to promote awareness of global security issues and stuff. We at Full Frontal became interested in Mr. Millar because he is the editor of a forthcoming book on non-strategic nuclear weapons control titled Tactical Nuclear Weapons: Emergent Threat in an Evolving Security Environment. To be honest, we became interested because of the book's cover, which you can see has a picture of a mushroom cloud and the mother-friggin' skyline of Dallas! This we were not happy about. So we decided to ask Mr. Millar, "What the hell?"

How real is the danger from tactical nuclear weapons, such as "dirty bombs"?

Tactical nuclear weapons are intact nuclear warheads. Dirty bombs are different--they are crude explosive devices laced with low-level radioactive material, such as medical waste. A dirty bomb is relatively easy to assemble and is considered by experts to be less damaging but a more likely threat. Dirty bombs would essentially cause more disruption and chaos than physical harm from radiation. However, a tactical nuclear weapon is more difficult to procure, but they are small and portable enough for a terrorist to conceal and transport. The impact of a tactical nuclear bomb would have severe consequences--of a magnitude that could be several times greater than that of the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. As you can imagine, all of the greater Dallas area would be negatively affected. A tactical nuclear weapon could incinerate every being in the immediate blast range, cause severe radiation sickness in outlying areas and cause lasting environmental damage.

Yeah, about Dallas on the cover. What the hell?

You have a nice skyline, that's all.

It's not because we're a good target?

Ocean coast cities with busy, accessible ports are probably more likely targets.

Is it really because the Cowboys beat the Redskins so consistently?

I know Coach Spurrier is desperate, but he still thinks he gets the upper hand by beating Dallas the old-fashioned way.

Do you think you'll get any flak from Dallas officials for using this city on the cover?

You never know. I doubt it. Although you can't say we haven't been warned. Since President Bush moved into the White House, I have seen a lot of "Don't Mess With Texas" bumper stickers on cars with Texas plates in D.C.

Can you convince your publisher to put the Houston skyline on the cover?

I don't know what I could do. The cover is finished. There is one chance that they would consider changing it: if you sell the Cowboys to Houston. -- Eric Celeste


Edited for Content

Early this month, the Utah-based video chain CleanFlicks opened the latest of its 63 outlets in Plano, making available sanitized versions of Hollywood films. The chain has been the subject of much controversy in recent months: On August 29, CleanFlicks filed suit against the Directors Guild of America, asking a judge to rule on the legality of its practices. The DGA, headed by president Martha Coolidge, countersued on September 20, insisting that CleanFlicks and other companies like it are illegally infringing on copyrights held by the films' directors. Full Frontal went last week to a CleanFlicks outlet to find out just how significantly the editing affected some of our favorite movies; the results were astonishing, as entire plot lines had been altered by CleanFlicks' clean sweep of violence, curse words and sexual situations.

Face/OffBeleaguered police officer (John Travolta) reconciles with his put-upon wife (Joan Allen) after the death of their son and head out with newly found business partner Nicholas Cage to operate a commercial dove farm.

South Park: The MovieFour young friends join forces to defeat Saddam Hussein in this gritty dramatic cartoon. Stan's search for the clitoris as a way to his true love's heart is rewritten as a hunt for the perfect "Precious Moments" figurine.

HannibalAn erudite British art collector (Anthony Hopkins) finds true love and tasty side dishes with a Southern police detective (Julianne Moore).

American PsychoChristian Bale plays Patrick Bateman, an upwardly mobile young executive with romantic difficulties in the 1980s. Co-starring Reese Witherspoon as the fiancee who encourages him to quit his job to open a chain saw distributorship.

Pulp Fiction Samuel Jackson plays a hit man who finds God. The mysterious briefcase is now opened to reveal a stash of stolen Gideon Bibles.

Basic InstinctA down-on-his-luck cop (Michael Douglas) finds true love with an eccentric writer (Sharon Stone). A digitally re-edited Stone uncrosses her legs to reveal she's wearing bloomers.

Pearl HarborBen Affleck and Josh Hartnett repel the Japanese navy armed only with the love of a good woman (Kate Beckinsale).

SevenMorgan Freeman and Brad Pitt play mismatched partners in this cop buddy movie co-starring Gwyneth Paltrow as a wisecracking jack-in-the-box sidekick.

Fight ClubA bored corporate exec (Ed Norton) revitalizes his humdrum life with travel and exercise.

Taxi DriverIntroverted cabbie Robert De Niro moonlights as a Girl Scout counselor, helping a troubled Jodie Foster earn a merit badge in entrepreneurship.

GoodFellasAn Irish-American union delegate (Ray Liotta) leaves the New York City fast track for a simpler life in Washington state.

Boogie NightsA struggling musician (Mark Wahlberg) tries to heal his relationship with his estranged grandfather (Burt Reynolds). Wahlberg unzips his pants to reveal a wooden chunk of the true cross.

ScarfaceHard to tell, as it features only opening credits and end credits.


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