No, that's the answer: the Guess Who. Which might be fine, were John Edwards' bestest bud throwing his party in 1970 and they were going to play "American Woman" and then hop back on the bus with the other golden gods. Still, that ain't the worst part: Guests of the barrister and his missus this December will also be treated to the Moody Blues, probably because lumps of coal are hard to come by in bulk during that most wonderful time of the year. Turns out, it was cheaper to pay them to play than to cough up the dough for their move to a quiet place where the Guess Who and Moody Blues could raise their love child outside of the media's harsh and unforgiving glare. In other words, Fred Baron's run out of hush money.
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Which now makes me totally respect fuck-you-er Sam Zell's choice of bands for his September 27 shindig: the Eagles, who played for three and a half hours Saturday night at the American Airlines Center before the earth opened up and swallowed Don Henley whole. --Robert Wilonsky