Gun-Carry Rally Saturday at the Alamo: Once Again Yankee Ninnies Rise to the Bait
Well, I see that Jerry Patterson, the state land commissioner, has accomplished his goal: The New York Times today is flouncing its long skirts and stamping its high-button shoes over a nutty gun rally Patterson has helped organize for next Saturday at the Alamo.
Called "Come and Take It San Antonio," the rally will be basically a gun exhibitionist party for old white guys. Big gangs of old white guys are supposed to rise up en masse off their $1,300 leather Barcaloungers, drive to San Antonio and walk around with their guns over their shoulders.
Why? For fun. Or, as the Times puts it, "the rally is to test the limits of the gun laws in one of the most gun-friendly states in the country, by openly carrying their shotguns, assault weapons and other types of rifles in public."
Yeah, tch-tch and tut-tut. Speaking as a Yankee myself, I wish there were some way I could teach or persuade my fellow Yankees not to rush out and start dancing around so hilariously every single time somebody dangles the bait in front of us. What do we think this is all for? It's all about Yankee dancing.
Test the limits of the gun laws? What gun laws? This is Texas. Men walking around with guns in San Antonio is like women walking around with cleavage in Vegas. If you want anybody to notice you better have something really huge or really weird.
Apparently San Antonio does have some kind of arcane law on the books prohibiting people from carrying guns at political rallies, but in the interest of hospitality the city has volunteered to "suspend" that law for the day of the rally. I didn't even know laws could be suspended on a day-to-day basis. There you have it, I guess.
But, look, San Antonio is one of the nation's most hospitable cities. I'm sure the city is figuring that when the gun nuts are done parading around for all the Yankee cameras, they'll be down on the River Walk eating fajitas and guzzling margaritas. Then most of them will need cabs, ka-ching ka-ching. The next morning they'll all be in the drug stores buying aspirin and antacids, ka-ching again.
Think what would happen if the Yankees just ignored it. The sight of old white guys walking around downtown San Antonio with guns over their shoulders might not even get a shrug out of the locals. If they even thought about it, they'd probably figure the bus just came in from the Fredericksburg Seniors Camp. Great chance for the dude with the coonskin cap store to clean up.
I do realize that the national government is on the brink of ruin right now because of crazy old mainly Southern white people, and I do know that just because people are loony doesn't mean they can't be dangerous. But still it galls me to see them get such a satisfying bounce out of the Yankees every single time.
Nothing keeps them going more than that reaction. If we Yankees really want to defeat them, if we feel we just have to get them off the streets and back to their King of the Hill reclining chairs, then we need to stop taking them so seriously every single time. It shouldn't be that hard.
Our response should be something along the lines of, "We've seen your weapons. Now show us your Depends." The one thing they want, poor things, is the one thing we must not give them -- to be taken seriously all the time. Hey, watch for this thing Saturday. Look closely at the costumes. Then tell me I'm wrong.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Observer's biggest stories.
- That's It Then: The Cowboys 2015 Season Gets Put Out of Its Misery
- The Cowboys' 5 Biggest Thanksgiving Turkeys
- Live From London: Your Holiday Weekend Weather Apocaforecast