Hip-Hop Holsta Hooray!
Despite the fact that there have been three armed robberies of pedestrians in the Lower Greenville area in the past month, people still think the area's just full of yard-pissing drunks. Not my man of the hour! He recently moved into new digs in The LG and christened my first visit to his place with a handy lipstick-sized container of mace.
Trouble is, walking around with a bulging purse at night seems like the equivalent of carrying a blinking neon sign: "ROB ME!" And however small and adorable my new self-defense spray is, I don't like the thought of sticking it in my pocket at close crotchal range. That's why I need a Hip-Hop Holsta: a Garland-made gun-slingin'-type apparatus meant to hold your cell phone, your iPod and various other "high-tech toyz."
You can order your $29.95 leather holsta -- which, yes, will help you "maintain ya flossin status" -- in a variety of colors, including black, brown and camo. Or if hip-hop isn't your thing, the marketing geniuses at Courtney Innovations on Shiloh Road have created the indie-rock version: Hardcore Holster, because "wearing a shoulder holster looks so intense."
I got to see a Holsta in person this week during Monday night's Jukebox Lounge night at the Cavern, where we were treated to a fine soul-spinning DJ, $2 wells and a dude named Skip in full-on Holsta gear. With goggly glasses, skinny jeans and a mess of wild hair, Skip was definitely more Hardcore than Hip-Hop, but the Holsta was a hit nonetheless. The bouncers were initially freaked out, then thoroughly impressed, by the Holsta, in which Skip did indeed carry his high-tech toyz.
In conclusion, a plea: samples, please, for one and all at Unfair Park! I gotta see one on Bible Girl. --Andrea Grimes
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