Word to the wise in these final days of the "economy": All it takes to make the national (and international) news is a Page 7B ad in The Dallas Morning News, followed by a press release advertising said advertisement. Not that there's anything wrong with it, and, right, who doesn't love Elliott's Hardware? Kyle Walters is certainly pleased: The Elliott's CEO "offered" George W. Bush a greeter gig, and next thing ya know, ol' Jed's a millionaire, at least in ad-buy dollars he didn't need to spend. (And he didn't even have to offer the country a free breakfast.) Bonus: This MSNBC footage from this morning follows the Elliott's offer with Fort Worth's Cross-Dressing Bandit, who I think is Schutze. Don't tell.