We weren't going to succumb to this, swear -- especially since we stopped watching The Simpsons 'round the time Bill Clinton was well into his second term. And it didn't help that on Friday, we received at UP HQ a Kwik-E-Mart cooler fillled with a Buzz Cola sixer, a box of Krusty O’s cereal, a Radioactive Man comic book and other cheap and unhealthy nonsense in advance of today's "surprise" announcement. At least Paramount sent over a box full of Transformers (and, by the way, that movie is kinda mind-blowing -- Tom Maurstad's way off with his B-minus in Dallas' Only Daily today). Frankly, we're just assuming this is how Fox is offloading all the impulse-item crap it used to sell at the checkout line at Tower Records.
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But as three Friends of Unfair Park (our whole readership, I always have to assume) have asked this a.m. precisely where they can find their nearest Kwik-E-Mart, and as we do bow to demand, here's 'tis: 6833 Northwest Highway at Hillcrest Road -- otherwise known as the first 7-Eleven franchised within Texas. But I expect very little when this is the best the press release can offer: "interviews with 7-Eleven personnel about the conversion" and "photo ops with customers purchasing products seen on the Simpsons such as Krusty O’s, Buzz Cola, Squishee Slurpee frozer drinks and a special edition of Radioactive Man comic book." Can we just take the whole week off? --Robert Wilonsky