Jade Helm 15 Is Almost Upon Us. Stay Awake, Sheeple.

This time next week.
This time next week.
U.S. Army Special Operations Command

When we first heard that Jade Helm 15, the upcoming large-scale U.S. military exercise, was in fact a plot to impose martial law on the southwestern United States, we were both skeptical and ambivalent. On the one hand, given Texas' current administration and its drive to turn the state into a independent theocratic republic, martial law didn't sound too bad. On the other hand, we're not loopy, so we trusted the U.S. Army Special Operations Command when it said Jade Helm was merely a training exercise, no matter the rumors populating some of the weirder corners of the Internet. 

Surely, we thought, President Obama was not so concerned that the good people of Texas were going to stop his socialist revolution that he was going to overtake them by force. 

In May, Governor Greg Abbott set us straight.

Acknowledging the fears of Texans worried about the takeover, Abbott decided that he would send the Texas Guard to monitor any Jade Helm-related activities in the state. "By monitoring the Operation on a continual basis, the State Guard will facilitate communications between my office and the commanders of the Operation to ensure that adequate measures are in place to protect Texans," Abbott said in a letter to Texas Guard Commander Jake Beatty.

Some cynical souls might say Abbott was pandering to the right wing conspiracy set, but we just couldn't believe that a sitting Texas governor would stoop that low, so we trusted Abbott and started to worry about Jade Helm. Thus, now's the time to catch up on the preparations for the takeover as we get close to Jade Helm's July 15 start date.

As the more than 36,000 viewers of the following video already know, all gun-owners in the Jade Helm 15 takeover area will have their weapons confiscated. As Underground World News reporter DAHBOO77 documents, a military convoy hauled gun confiscation containers through Alabama about two weeks ago, readying for the invasion.

Over the weekend, the totally credible right wing Info Wars news service, created by the equally credible radio pseudo journalist Alex Jones, warned of the connection of Jade Helm and the "internet of things." Time to throw out that web-connected TV and your Nest thermostat, since they're just collecting data that will be useful to the feds after the martial law is imposed. (Under the new order, you can say goodbye to setting your thermostat to a comfy 70 degrees, comrade.)

The lamestream media is, of course, doing its best to cover for the federales. The Washington Post''s July 4 hit job on the decent, freedom-loving people of Bastrop — one of the counties singled out for takeover on the U.S. Army Special Operations Command — is just one example.

"The office of the Bastrop County Republican Party is in an old lumber mill on Main Street, with peeling brown paint and a sign out front that captures the party’s feelings about the Obama administration: “WISE UP AMERICA!”

Inside, county Chairman Albert Ellison pulled out a yellow legal pad on which he had written page after page of reasons why many Texans distrust President Obama, including the fact that, “in the minds of some, he was raised by communists and mentored by terrorists.”

So it should come as no surprise, Ellison said, that as the U.S. military prepares to launch one of the largest training exercises in history later this month, many Bastrop residents might suspect a secret Obama plot to spy on them, confiscate their guns and ultimately establish martial law in one of America’s proudly free conservative states."

Like the good people of Bastrop and led by Governor Abbott, we will not bow to our federal oppressors. You can take our lives, but you'll never take our air conditioning.

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