Latest Texas Education News Proves: Reproduction is Way Overrated

"Unless they've figured out this schools thing, I want no part of this shit."
"Unless they've figured out this schools thing, I want no part of this shit."

So much happening on the education front these days. Earlier this week, Mayor Mike Rawlings broke with tradition and endorsed candidates for Dallas Independent School District's board. Not in his capacity as mayor, of course. That would be against the city's ethics rules. No, this was just good ol' Mike telling you who he thinks should run the schools. Just between you and him and assorted business folk -- wink, wink.

Speaking of which, The Dallas Morning News editorialized last week that DISD candidate Damarcus Offord -- who didn't get a big, friendly, hug-of-Mikeness -- was basically too ignorant to serve on the DISD board because he doesn't know little piddly, wonkish details, like what a bond issue is. We're not saying the News was being unjust, but it was unkind. Who can blame Offord for not knowing stuff? He went through DISD, after all.

(Then again, Offord responded to getting snubbed by the mayor by filing an ethics complaint in which he misspelled Rawlings' name -- every single time he wrote it.)

In other education/ignoramus news, Texas State Board of Education candidate Gail Spurlock revealed the shocking truth: The pilgrims -- those guys with the turkeys and witch trials -- were communists. Yes, friend, you may think the Mayflower Compact was a template for the self governance, but that's because you have been deluded -- hornswoggled, amigo -- by the likes of those DISD pinko teachers who support men like Damarcus Offord.

And then there was former SBOE member Don McLeroy, who said on the Colbert Report on Monday that man and dinosaur "absolutely" walked the earth together. Or drove maybe. In cars they started with their feet. He didn't elaborate.

Now comes Unfair Park to synthesize all this education action. What, big picture-wise, does all this mean to you, the humble citizen? Well, it's simple really: Don't have children. Drown those you have like they were unwanted puppies. Cruel, sure, but better than tossing them into the hands of the public education system.

Too harsh? OK then, sissy, listen to this instead. We chatted with Dan Quinn, spokesman for the Texas Freedom Network, a group of SBOE watchdogs, to get his take on McLeroy's TV appearance. Naturally, he said it explains a lot about the state of the SBOE and Texas education. But he also pointed out that this is the first time in 10 years that all 15 SBOE seats are up for election simultaneously.

"This is an opportunity for voters to finally say they have had enough to clean house," Quinn says.

Voting. Yeah, that's probably better than homicide, although we should note that a soaking wet sponge is ideal for housecleaning and ... other things.

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