Let's Talk About Sharon Simmons, the 55-Year-Old Who Wants to be a Cowboys Cheerleader

That's Sharon in the pink. She's almost as pretty as RGIII.
That's Sharon in the pink. She's almost as pretty as RGIII.
Eric Garcia / Dustin Schneider

So by now you've probably seen or heard about 55-year-old Sharon Simmons, who tried out to be a Cowboys cheerleader. For some reason I hadn't heard of her, probably because I'm a Redskins fan and have been sitting in my bedroom with candles lit and YouTube on, looking at videos of RGIII.

If you're Jerry Jones -- we don't know if he decides the cheerleaders, but he probably should step in on a decision of this importance -- you have to be torn, right? Because let's talk straight about what we're looking at.

First of all, she's ridiculously hot. "Pretty" just doesn't suffice, and "handsome," as most women are called at her age, just doesn't apply. She's objectively and universally sexually appealing. If she's on the Cowboys roster, it's not too much of a stretch to think that Bravo, E! and maybe the HBO Hard Knocks crew are going to be in Arlington for the start of the season.

But let's break down the talent, per the DMN video found below. She looks lost at times. The kick is a little low, we think. She might be more at home, genre-wise, in a Richard Simmons video. That's not a dig.

But she's hot. Maybe even super-duperly so. Win or lose, God bless Sharon Simmons.

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