Love Shaq

Everyone in Dallas is salivating over the prospect of Shaquille O'Neal playing for the Mavericks next season. No one on the Mavs has been deemed untouchable by owner Mark Cuban when it comes to trade talks with the Los Angeles Lakers, even Dirk Nowitzki. That saddens us, sure, but with Shaq on the roster, the team would have to be considered a front-runner for the NBA championship next season.

But there's another hoops squad in town that has come oh-so-close to winning a title, and--guess what?--they could use a big man down low as well. That's right, we're talking about the Dallas Observer's entry in the Media Basketball League. The team has made it to the championship game two years running, but has thus far failed to take home the chip. We've looked at the roster and around the office, and we think we have the pieces in place to make a Shaq trade happen.

Scenario No. 1: Staff writers Paul Kix and John Gonzalez, a like-new printer, two boxes of 10 Sony High Fidelity cassettes and three reams of white office paper.

We like this one because it helps shore up the Lakers' front-office supplies, provides Gary Payton with something to do besides scowling on the bench, and Kix would give Luke Walton another tall white guy to hang with during a club crawl. Also, Gonz is from Philly. Kobe Bryant is from Philly. They both likes the ladies. It's like they're twins separated at birth.

Scenario No. 2: Staff writer Robert Wilonsky, first-round picks in the 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 fantasy basketball league draft, a box of photos left in our former art director's office and a round of drinks at Down.

Wilonsky used to work in L.A., so he should blend in seamlessly. This one scares us a little bit, though. A round of drinks at Down? That could cost us, like, a hundred bucks.

Scenario No. 3: Publisher Alison Draper, our two second-place trophies and our respect for Karl Malone.

This is the trade we like the least, but we'll do it if we have to. Draper could sell cement shoes to a mob informant, so she'll be missed. The trophies won't be, and we know the Lakes could use the gold. The respect for Karl Malone? That could be a deal breaker. You know what? Let's just hope this doesn't happen.


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