Mother Nature Plans to Take a Giant Dump on Your Weekend, Dallas

Get the doggy Celexa ready.
Get the doggy Celexa ready.

What a beautiful week we had. Temps in the high 70s, sunny skies, patio lunches -- it was damn pretty. You got your bike tuned up, your picnic basket packed up, and you're geared up for a kickass outdoor weekend.

I am now here to crush your outdoor weekend dreams, with the help of many local actual weather forecasters. So, look out your window now and enjoy the sunshine-ing puppies-and-rainbows prettiness of this day that will begin to turn to shit as soon as you are allowed to leave work. Because Mother Nature is gearing up to dump on your weekend.

Right now, she's eating a combo enchilada platter from Chuy's. After that, she's going for some premium coffee. Then, maybe a green smoothie. And then, obviously, the end of the birds-tweeting-toddlers-swinging-and-giggling world as you know it.

Delkus says it's going to rain.

Watch as the universe steam-dumps all over your weekend plans.
Watch as the universe steam-dumps all over your weekend plans.
@wfaaweather Twitter

CBS11Larry says it's going to rain.

More evidence of your impending psychotic mental weather break.
More evidence of your impending psychotic mental weather break.
weather.cbs.local.com

The Weather Channel even called and said, "Dallas weather will be neither sunny, nor snowing. So, basically, you're getting the lamest weekend winter weather possible. Temps in the mehs. Spitty rain. Probably no earthquakes. Basically, your whole social-media-weather-game is going to be thrown off. I have no idea what you'll think of to post for Saturday. Another gas pump photo? Your sad dog? It's a No Likes weekend."

Even more evidence of weekend shit shittery.
Even more evidence of weekend shit shittery.
weatherchannel.com

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But don't be mad at your local weather forecasters. Mother Nature is weekend-shitting on us, and it's someone's fault. And by someone I mean you. I'm sure of it. You made a dick move at some point this week, and for that, Mother Nature will punish us all.

Way to go. Slow-clap everyone.


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