After taking a long, hard look at this morning's Quick cover, Unfair Park would like to take this opportunity to welcome Dallas Morning News Managing Editor George Rodrigue to the sexually oriented weekly tabloid business. As a member of this elite journalism club, George, you and A.H. Belo upper management are now entitled to what's referred to in the trade as the "Upper Decherd," details of which will be provided in a follow-up e-mail sent directly to you that should be considered extremely confidential.
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As per your request, we've also activated your movie subscription; expect the first title within the next three to six weeks, to be hand-delivered by a "Mr. J. Schutze" along with your order for the five-gallon tub of Boy Butter™. Also, if you would please inform one "Bob Mong" -- Is that right? Sounds made-up -- that, sadly, we're currently out of the Crave T-style divider and ask if he'd would settle instead for the Leather gates of hell. So, again, welcome, and remember to properly dispose of all towels and tissues on your way out (shhhh). Because Bobby Dee's spot-on: What we do everyday is special.