Our Favorite Martian: The Year in Glenn Beck

Honorable mention: This sweater.
Honorable mention: This sweater.

As Unfair Park looks back and counts the many blessings we've received in 2014, one thing we're especially thankful for is that Glenn Beck, dadaist performance artist extraordinaire, chooses to make his home -- and film all the programs for his TV network, The Blaze -- in the Dallas area. Here are some of our favorite Beck moments of the year:

Glenn Beck Flashes Humanity, Right-Wing Twitter Gets Very Upset This incident, and a few others we'll get to later, made us feel actual, real sympathy for Beck, something more common than you'd think. Beck, noting that undocumented kids being housed near the border had done nothing wrong, announced that he planned to send tractor trailers full of aid materials to the kids.

Right wing Twitter was incensed, suggesting that by helping "illegals" Beck was breaking the law.

Beck admits the liberals were right about the second Iraq War In calling for a bridging of America's partisan gap, Beck cited the failure of the second Iraq War as something liberals and conservatives could agree on. His statements reaffirmed his penchant for apostasy and showed a connection with reality often missing from TV demagogues on both sides of the political spectrum.

Beck cops to longstanding, mysterious brain condition The TV host took a little over nine minutes on November 10 to tell viewers about the seizure, lack of sleep and pain he endured fighting a mystery illness.

Beck said he moved to Dallas because he thought the warm weather would help his condition. What he found here instead was the Carrick Brain Center, which is either a pioneer in the heretofore unknown field of "chiropractic neurology" or a dangerous bastion of bizarre pseudo-science.

We're just glad Beck's doing better.

Beck speaks at Christian college. Outcry ensues. Liberty University, the bastion of tolerance founded by Jerry Falwell, invited Beck to give its commencement speech. Beck's speech was "rife with Mormon theology in which he showcased a valuable Mormon relic," according to writer at something called the Religious News Service.

Beck deserves full points here for trolling. Flaunting his Mormonism to one of the groups most likely to view it as a cult rather than merely the weird cousin of Christianity was a smooth move.

Beck reveals Santa's deepest, darkest secrets, just in time for Christmas Some readers took issue with our calling Beck's totally made-up back story for Santa "batshit insane," but we meant it in the most complimentary way possible. After all who wouldn't want to live in a world where the jolly elf is wolf-killing, son-mourning badass?


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