Either reporter Jim Knox deserves a couple Emmys or else his office -- otherwise known as the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington -- has become baseball's most fertile field for intriguing off-the-field story lines.
Colby Lewis' post-paternity-leave return to the mound stunk like a bin full of dirty diapers, the Rangers made four errors and David Murphy misplayed a single to left field into a three-run oops as Texas last night lost for the first time at home this season, 15-4 to the Angels.
But even in a blowout -- as it has several times already this season at the yard -- it got interesting in the stands.
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Nothing as suspenseful as last season, when a man fell from an upper deck of the stadium or when a pre-game parachuter got tangled and then dangled on a light pole, but in this year's eight home games we've already seen a chubby dork call his impending wedding day "the worst day of my life," and on Monday night a similar-looking dude -- now that I think about it -- made a casual, fantastic catch of a homer out on Green's Hill in center field.
Last night, the engaging distraction was an old lady/longtime fan from Waxahachie named Nola Pearman, who somehow wound up with her hands on Peter Bourjos' 7th-inning homer that gave the Angels a 13-1 lead. In one of the dumbest traditions in baseball, fans in left field encouraged her to "throw it back!" and, after a second of hesitation, Nola did indeed hurl the ball toward the field. But she needed a relay man to actually get the ball back onto the field.
Claws. Antlers. Sideshows.