Rejoice, for the Perfect Texas Weather Weekend Is Coming
A picture obtained from the future, of what everyone will be doing this weekend.
Last week, I predicted thunder, rain, and general apocalypse. I said all of your weekends would be ruined, and that you should all stay inside. In my defense, it was quite overcast. I never said I was a weather forecaster.
And yet, here we are, and this weekend I'm predicting nothing but endless joy and sunshine. We're in the period between icepocalypse and all burning to death that some people have chosen to call "spring," where Texas suddenly becomes one of the most delightful places imaginable. This Saturday and Sunday, we have the perfect spring weekend, an unmatched display of delightful temperatures which mean you can finally break out those cargo shorts you bought in hope a month ago.
Even better, it's been raining on and off all week, and it will be next week as well. For two glorious days in the middle of all this rain, our corner of North Texas will bask in the glow of Ra, the ancient Egyptian Sun God, who has arrived in Dallas to slay Tlaloc, the Aztec Rain God who holds sway in Dallas during the spring.
To be honest, we could do with a few more visits from Tlaloc if we're not all going to be banned from watering our delightful gardens this summer, as if this was not the land of the free, a place where we can waste as much water in the pursuit of an attractive plant as we choose. The deal our mysterious deities currently have going, where it rains all week and is sunny at the weekend, is just perfect, unless you have to commute down a major freeway in the rain of course.
As a bonus, if you look at Delkus' Twitter feed right now, it's wall-to-wall cloud porn. He's got a cloud boner.
What I'm saying, in so many words, is that if you choose to stay indoors this weekend then you are an idiot, doomed to only step outside during weekends with massively unsuitable weather. Or maybe you just bought Titanfall, which is a much better excuse. Even so, move the console to the yard, because it's going to be perfect. Do you hear me? Perfect.
And I have never been wrong before.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Texas Senate OKs Stricter Rules for Minors Seeking Abortions
- Texas Legislature Mandates In-Person Visitation for County Jail Inmates
- Dallas Police Reveal More Guidelines for Body Cams