Sailing on the Trinity Lakes? Oh, Boy, Who Ever Thought It Possible?

They're tough to see, but teeny white dots could be boats on the lake, or big birds, or maybe flotillas of plastic bags. Hard to say.
They're tough to see, but teeny white dots could be boats on the lake, or big birds, or maybe flotillas of plastic bags. Hard to say.

Stephen Young told you earlier about the latest renderings of plans lakes along the Trinity River near downtown in a post that seemed just a bit doubtful. "Impossible Fever Dream," he called them.

It's sad, really. Stephen is a young man, and already he expresses such cynicism toward City Hall. Not Buzz, though. We've spent a few fun hours playing around with some of the conceptual photos in the Trinity Lakes Amenities Design Plan, and we must say, we're pretty darned excited.

Oh, sure, the lakes outlined by city staff to a City Council committee this week aren't the 300-acre expanses we were promised more than a decade ago. They're more like 30 acres -- give or take 10 acres because we still don't know if one is feasible -- but that's fine. It's post-recession 2014. A couple of bijou lakes are more fitting for the time.

Listen, plans change. Just because every promise ever made by the city about big plans for the Trinity has been part of a web of distortion, obfuscation, misdirection and out-and-out bullshit up to this point is no reason to reject the latest batch of proposals for the lakes, Mr. and/or Ms. Pessimist.

See also: Trinity Trust's Plan for River Amenities Is a Vivid, Impossible Fever Dream

Besides, while the lakes will be smallish, they'll still have sailboats. Lots of them. We counted 24 little white specks in one of the many horribly Photoshopped images in the council's briefing packet, all merrily sailing along on a 14.5-acre lake. Which seems a little tightly packed, but maybe they're small boats. Or really big egrets. Hard to tell from the image.

Still, it sounds like a fun day, either cowering as flocks of humongous waterbirds screech overhead or listening to the nautical cries of sailors playing bumper boat.

When the last sailor has gone down for third time, lake-goers can wander over for a round of disc golf on a lighted 18-hole course. Again, it was hard to tell from the images, but it appears the course will be about three-quarters of the recommended size for an 18-hole disc course. But lighted! Imagine the laughs you'll have listening to the dull thunks in the night and muttered curses of golfers beaned by whizzing discs! And there's maybe a portable BMX course too! It appears to be roughly the size of a double-wide trailer, and it's near a bridge support, so be sure to bring your video camera to capture many wacky wipeouts.

And there's zip-lining, which apparently will be the only way to get to the lakes since we still don't know how we'll get into the park over that big honking toll road the city wants to build, which is curiously absent from many of the conceptual photos. So bring Grandpa for a quick zip over speeding traffic for a round of Texas-style disc golf and extreme sailing. If you survive, just make your egress via the climbing wall planned for one of the bridge columns. As night falls and you stumble, concussed, soaked from water or mutant egret shit, you'll enjoy the challenge of clambering up a bridge to escape the panhandling homeless who usually live under bridges in Dallas.

What fun! And remember, these concepts are brought to you by many of the same people who brought you the white-water feature of death on the river. Enjoy!


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