Texas Is Becoming the Sarah Palin of States, and not in the Good MILF-y Way

Yesterday was a wonderful news day for all of us, for you conservatives and for liberals like myself as well. First we read that Texas state Representative Molly White, G-Belton (G for guess), has adopted a policy requiring Muslim visitors to her offices to renounce terror and swear allegiance to the United States before she will see them.

Then we read a review of Sarah Palin's recent speech in Des Moines by a conservative writer in National Review describing it and her as, "the foreordained culmination of a slow and unseemly descent into farce."

What's wonderful in that? Oh, all of it, especially the very important role we here in Texas may play in helping conservatives all over America awaken from their long infatuation with people like Palin. I think Texas is going to become the Sarah Palin of the states.

Another conservative writer, Matt Lewis in The Daily Beast, said of Palin's performance in Iowa, "It's worth considering that maybe her early critics saw some fundamental character flaw -- some harbinger of things to come -- that escaped me."

Yes. Yes. And speaking as a liberal, I want to reach out to Mr. Lewis and you other Palinados everywhere to say that the fault is all on us, the liberals. Somehow, maybe from some over-timid politeness, we failed to get our message across. We should have spoken more plainly and forcefully to convey to you the precise nature of that fundamental character flaw, that harbinger. We knew.

She is an idiot. She is a moron. She is an uneducated, ill-read and ill-informed person of atrocious taste and horrible conduct whose appalling hillbilly brood gets into drunken brawls in which people call each other fucking cunts in public.

I am so angry with us liberals for allowing you to miss all that, the flaw, the harbinger. Was it because we knew how in love you were? Karen Tumulty in The Washington Post remembered yesterday that after Palin's appearance in a 2008 vice presidential debate, National Review Editor Rich Lowry said, "It was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America."

It's all a process, isn't it? Five years later she made her famous CPAC speech in which she said of husband, Todd, "He's got the rifle, I got the rack." And probably at that moment your eyebrows went up half a notch. I think you were beginning to suspect. He's got the rifle, I got the rack? Somewhere in the backs of your minds you were beginning to wonder even then if she was truly presidential timber.

Her slurred speech in Iowa recently must have presented you with another thoroughly hair-raising possibility. What if she has the fundamental character flaw, the harbinger, and then on top of that she's drunk on her ass? What might be expected of her at that point? He's got the rifle, I got the rack, you fucking cunts?

So this is where you are, Republicans. You are beginning to suspect that Sarah Palin, whom you loved, may be a vulgar idiot and a moron. What's next? What else do you need to know about yourselves? This is where Texas comes into play.

Here in Texas we have elected an entire slate of Sarah Palins to most of the highest elective offices in our state. The little fandango with the state rep trying to make Muslims swear allegiance to America is but the beginning, the first taste.

We had a piece here yesterday on Unfair Park by Stephen Young laying out a sequence of events in the capitol in which the already right-wing wing-nut radio personality whom we just elected to lieutenant governor, an office some people think is more powerful than governor, allowed himself to be bullied even farther out into the ultra-right-osphere by a band of street prankster firearms advocates who always look and sound on TV as if somebody left the gate open at the State Hospital.

See also: Open Carry Supporters Target Dan Patrick

In Texas in the months ahead, all of the very most alarming fundamental character flaws and harbingers you can possibly imagine, times 10, are going to be played out on national TV in an endless loop of lunacy. And this is going to be our contribution. Conservatives everywhere will watch in horror as we in Texas depict for them the ultimate extrapolation of all their own worst failings and faults.

We know this, don't we? We all do. We know that it's not just Sarah Palin. It's the whole Koch Brothers campaign to co-opt the conservative movement and turn it into an imbeciles crusade, a street brawl against reality, a vast army of fools who can be made cannon-fodder for the uber-rich in their war on civilization.

If Sarah Palin is the canary in the coal mine, Texas is the bats. Here we come.


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >