The Balls of October
Before the month of October fully unravels, we mustn’t forget that it has been officially designated National Popcorn Poppin’ Month. Which means Dallas lawyers are conceivably having a banner time of it, what with the recently reported emerging lethal disease called popcorn lung linked to a buttery flavoring additive called diacetyl in microwave popcorn. Popcorn lung afflicted popcorn fanatic Wayne Watson, who ate about two bags of it daily and had to quit on account of the havoc it wreaked upon his lungs.
Seemingly with an eye toward popcorn fanatic Wayne and maybe Wayne’s lawyers, ConAgra Foods recently unveiled Orville Redenbacher’s delicious and exquisitely seasoned Natural Gourmet Popping Corns: simply salted, buttery garlic and buttery salt and cracked pepper, with no trans fats or artificial flavors, colors or preservatives. Hence no added artificial diacetyl. Or popcorn lung. And maybe no lawsuits. Though in September of last year, a few popcorn fanatics set the world record for the largest popcorn ball ever: eight feet in diameter and 24.5 feet in circumference weighing in at 3,423 pounds. That’s one morbidly obese popcorn ball. Let the lawsuits roll. --Mark Stuertz
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