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The Schutze Card: Don't Leave Home Without It

The Schutze Card: Don't Leave Home Without It

Two things. First, I would like for people to quit bitching about my photo. One guy wrote in that he found it "disturbing." Well, WTF, Einstein. It's not meant to be a sympathy card.

Second: Another guy wrote in with a really good idea yesterday. I had written about how the city is persecuting Robert Groden, the Kennedy assassination guy, because he's selling his books and magazines in Dealey Plaza without a Dealey Plaza Literature Sales Permit or DPLSP, which, I should mention, is a term I made up. And here is why I made up such a term:

The city has taken Groden to court on a charge of selling literature in Dealey Plaza without a permit allowing him to sell literature in Dealey Plaza. But there is no such thing as a permit to allow anybody to sell literature in Dealey Plaza.

I was pointing out that this is the kind of Kafkaesque/Soviet bullshit that Dallas City Hall thinks is clever. Fine the guy for not having a permit. But then when he tries to go get one, tell him that no such permits exist.

I had written before about City Hall security and the requirement that members of the press present credentials at certain types of events. But in Dallas there is no such thing as an official press credential. So I said I just make mine on the copying machine with some cheap laminating sheets you can buy by the box.

The reader yesterday suggested that Groden make himself some DPLSPs the same way. After all, he is required to have one. The city won't give him one. But where's the law that says he can't crank some out the same way I do my press credentials?

So it got me thinking. You know what we need to do in Dallas? We citizens need to come up with a general kind of pass or credential for everything.

For example, we could all carry a little card that says "Dallas Citizenship Permit." Then in very fine print on the back, it could say stuff like "Bearer is authorized to sell literature in Dealey Plaza, panhandle out in front of The Dallas Morning News, park in garage underneath City Hall, attend press conferences, provide entertainment for tips on the sidewalk in West Village, criticize the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers and generally just walk around without taking a lot of crap from you, asshole."

Ah, well. It might need fine-tuning. I wouldn't want to offend honest cops just doing their jobs. But you get my drift, right? We need to make a statement.

What do you think? I'm taking suggestions.


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