Vegas, Baby

The Kiss My Ass David Stern, practiced before the second playoff game in two straight nights

The latest season of The Real World, MTV's long-running show where "people stop being polite and start getting real," featured smoking, drinking, cursing, screwing, fighting, cheating, bad parenting, overreacting and, somewhere in there, forking. (Seriously.) Somehow, even with all that going for it, as well as a sweet suite at Las Vegas' Palms Casino to do it in, the show also happened to be kind of, well, boring. Maybe that's just me. More of a Real World/Road Rules Challenge man myself. We recently had a chance to discuss some of the above with one of the roommates, Steven Hill, a former Texas boy. Hill will be appearing at Tiki Bob's on May 16, along with the show's Trishelle Cannetella and Frank Roessler, where they'll be tending bar and offering themselves up as prizes.

People will be competing to win dates with you and Trishelle, right?


So what's Frank doing there? Trying to horn in on your action?

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No, they can win a date with Frank also. Actually, they can have Frank. They can take Frank home, meet the parents; he can do some errands for them--whatever they want. Girls like Frank equally. He's on the auction block, too, man.

What's the strangest thing that's happened at one of these appearances?

Oh, man, I don't think that should be written in anything. Oh, man, people just get nuts. Every time I do one of these, there's gotta be at least two or three things that happen each night that I'm just like, "I can't believe this is happening." Because I'm a kid from Texas, man. I graduated from Marshall High School. I mean, I didn't earn any of this; it's not like I'm on Friends or anything. I literally got picked to be on a stupid reality TV show, and now I go to parties all over the country. It's a dream.

When the season premiered, pretty much every review called the Las Vegas cast some variation of "slutty." Did that bother you at all or did you think it would all come out in the wash?

That didn't bother me. But the first, like, four or five episodes were horrible for me. I was so scared. They were very entertaining, but I would be on screen 90 percent of the time, and they'd show me saying, like, one line. And it would be something really good to show my depth, like, "I think it's great when girls are bisexual." That's all they'd show. And I was like, "I'm going to look like the biggest idiot in the whole world." And then the fork incident happened with Brynn. There wasn't a camera crew in there that could show what actually happened, and it was just portrayed totally inaccurately. She actually slapped me in the face in addition to throwing the fork at me. But you don't see that, and if we don't see that, then all that happened was that the fork was thrown and the Steven character is overreacting about that. I'm not meaning to talk about myself in the third person, but it's a character. I'm a character on TV.

Of all the people who've been on Real World, is there anyone's post-show career you would like to emulate?

I don't know. I've gotten to do so many things. In four months, I've already been to Cancun, the Bahamas and I'm gonna be in Hawaii in a couple of months. I mean, I would have been working this year. I would have been working in some business this year, bored out of my mind, and I'm traveling all over the country having fun.

But at the same time you don't want to end up like [original cast member] Eric Nies, living off this for the rest of your life, right?

[Laughs.] What's a politically correct way to say this? I want to go down a different route. There you go. I don't really want that. You know what? I don't look as good in tights, I guess. I'm not as good a dancer. --Zac Crain

Check her briefs
Mayor Laura Miller accidentally left behind her briefcase after the raucous re-election party held in her honor at Eddie Deen's Ranch. A drunken Full Frontal spy rifled through the contents and gave us an inventory.

Copy of Blue Crush on DVD, loaned to her by Dallas Observer staff writer Robert Wilonsky (1)

Mary for Mayor yard signs, crumpled (25)

Applebee's gift certificate ($25), from Ted Benavides (1)

Family photo, labeled with her children's names, ages, likes and dislikes (1)

Lifetime membership card, Club Shiznit (1)

Instructional manual from the Aspen Anger Management Institute, introductory course (1)

Instructional manual from the Aspen Anger Management Institute, remedial course (1)

Refund of tuition check from Aspen Anger Management Institute (1)

Photo of African-American male's posterior, signed "R.K." (1)

"Love is..." comic strips, each signed "Steve" (12)

Mix CD labeled "DJ Teddy Bear's Hot Jamz" (1)

Tickets to paradise (2)

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