Welcome to the Soviet Socialist Republic of Dallas

Back in the DSSR: We hate to say it, but what if the Tea Party people are right? Sure, they may look like wacky gun-loving, government-hating, thin-lipped, bigoted, paranoid loons. Completely deranged, ignorant...wait, we've lost our point here. Oh, yeah. What if they're correct? What if there is a subtle government plot to seize our private property and convert the good ol' U.S. of A. into a Euro-socialist enclave? Like Canada.

Crazy? Look, in many sci-fi movies there's always that guy, the one who warns that aliens are coming to suck our brains. Nobody believes him until it's too late. What if the Tea Party types are that guy? What if there is a plot right here in Dallas, the heart of free-market capitalism, to turn all our property over to the hands of Big Brother and his cronies?

You want evidence? Well, sometimes you have to stop looking at the trees so you can see the forest. Consider the stories in these very pages:


Tea Party

DISD is moving with a heavy hand to destroy a long-lived vibrant greenhouse business so the district can expand a building used for "public education."

Dallas City Councilman Dwaine Caraway is attacking scrap metal yards in southern Dallas—yards that provide jobs—in the name of "development."

You want more? The Dallas Morning News had a front-page story this weekend about how the Margaret Hunt Hill Bridge over the Trinity River will transform West Dallas with "trendy restaurants and other new businesses." You can almost hear the sound of marching tassled loafers as hordes of city bureaucrats swarm over the span, clearing a bridgehead for Gaps, high-priced coffee shops and beer emporiums serving suspicious Euro-style brews. Who shops and eats in these places? Not the hardworking blue-collar folk of West Dallas. Guys like Buzz do. (But we feel bad about it.)

There's more. The city right now is putting together plans to encourage us to ride—get this—bikes. You know who ride bikes? Red Chinese. And don't get us started on this talk going around about creating community gardens. Listen, you can't spell communism without community...provided you take off the ity part, that is.

You get our point. Local government leaders may look like free-market types, but they're really a fifth column, sneakily using eminent domain and onerous zoning to rob us of our land, our rendering plants and our working class. Ignore the facts if you will, but when Dallas becomes South Vancouver, where will the hard-striving blue-collar folk go?

Well, we hear Farmers Branch is nice...if you're white. –Patrick Williams

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