Yes, Jesus Loves Him. You, Not So Much.

Rick Perry doesn't wanna know about your god. Because your god's gonna get you a one-way ticket to hell.

Ya know, as a liberal Democrat and a bar mitzvah boy, I was so gonna vote for Rick Perry till I read this morning's Dallas Morning News and saw this headline: "Perry believes non-Christians doomed." Then I figured, ya know, maybe I will go Kinky after all; at least the Texas Jewboy says shalom with the more inclusive, "May the god of your choice bless you." Friedman's the man who also once wrote that whether you're going to heaven or hell, you have to change plane at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport.

Rick Perry's less interested in your choice. But that's only because: a) he loves Jesus, which is, ya know, cool and all; and b) he's not so smart. Says the guv:

"Before we get into Buddha and all the others, I get a little confused there."

Genius. The guy's a genius. And he'll be your governor till the Rapture, suckers. --Robert Wilonsky


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