The Cowboys have played five games. Sportatorium has made five losing bets. Oh and friggin’ five!
Who, oh who, could feel my pain? Is there anyone? Anyone out there who can empathize with my futility? Wait …
George Costanza, is that you?
“It’s not working, Jerry. How did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking. But I was perceptive. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today: Every decision that I’ve made my entire life … has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life – be it something to wear, something to eat – it’s all been wrong.”
My soul mate!
I’m not exactly a bald man with no job and no money who lives with his parents, but I, too, need a good 180. Nothing – at least this season – has ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. So, yes, I will do the opposite!
Ladies and gents, my chicken-salad-on-rye analysis of Cowboys-Cardinals:
I think, what with Patrick Watkins and Roy Williams and Terence Newman out and Pacman Jones out of sorts, Kurt Warner will throw the ball when and where he wants. Which means the Cowboys will hold him under 200 yards passing and record two interceptions.
I think, what with the direct snap being en vogue this season, that Felix Jones will take a snap and have his first 100-yard rushing day. Which means he’ll be held under 50 yards if he gets any touches at all.
I think, what with Cards’ offensive coordinator Todd Haley’s intimate knowledge of Terrell Owens and his desire for revenge on what that Southlake McDonald’s served his wife, Arizona will shut T.O. out and up. Which means he’ll have 100 yards and at least one touchdown.
I think, what with Dallas being 13-2 in its last 15 road games and having that circle-the-wagon mentality, the Cowboys get a surprisingly easy victory and cover the 6 points. Which means bet the farm on the Cardinals.
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I started with a mythical bankroll of $10,000, courtesy of Bodog sports online gaming. First of all, because their site is easy to navigate. Second, because they’re based in Costa Rica and have had minimal success tracking me down in the past.
I’ll analyze games/wagers of local interest each weekend and make a wager or two every Friday. With any luck, by Christmas it’ll be toys for everyone.
STARTING BANKROLL: $10,000 CURRENT BANKROLL: $2,900 SEASON RECORD: 1-5 LAST WEEK: 0-1 (-$4,000) THIS WEEK: Cardinals +6 for $1,100. -- Richie Whitt