Have you met our adoptive parents, Annette and Harold Simmons? They're very nice people.

You're a Rich Man, Harold Simmons

Mazel tov, Harold Simmons! Looks like you're still the richest man in Dallas -- and the 43rd richest person in the entire country. Yet again, Forbes has posted its list of the 400 wealthiest folks in the U.S. and A. -- and this year, says the mag obsessed with lists, you needed $1.3 billion just to crack the Forbes 400.

Fourteen Dallasites make the list, beginning with the 76-year-old Simmons ($7.4 billion -- feh, pocket change), who was No. 278 on the mag's list of The Richest People in the Universe list in 2006. (Um, in March his worth was estimated at a mere -- mere -- $4 billion. So, like, a person can make $3.4 billion in a six months? Did. Not. Know. That.) Also making the list were the usual suspects (H. Ross Perot, Mark Cuban, Ray Hunt, Todd Wagner, Jerry Jones, Tom Hicks) and some less-than-familiar faces, among them 57-year-old, $1.5-billion-buck oil man Timothy Headington, who, says his Forbes 400 entry, is "financing The Young Victoria, flick based on life of British queen," which Martin Scorsese is exec-producing.

And there are nine entries from Fort Worth. Topping that list: Alice Walton, who comes in at No. 15 on the list of 400 with an estimated worth of $16.1 billion -- Wal-Mart money, dig? Also noted in her entry: She's twice divorced. Me, I think I'm in love. I am also fond of the accompanying Christopher Buckley essay on "The Forbes 400 Through History," if only for its extensive use of the word "ducat." --Robert Wilonsky


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