You're a Rich Man, Harold Simmons

Have you met our adoptive parents, Annette and Harold Simmons? They're very nice people.

Mazel tov, Harold Simmons! Looks like you're still the richest man in Dallas -- and the 43rd richest person in the entire country. Yet again, Forbes has posted its list of the 400 wealthiest folks in the U.S. and A. -- and this year, says the mag obsessed with lists, you needed $1.3 billion just to crack the Forbes 400.

Fourteen Dallasites make the list, beginning with the 76-year-old Simmons ($7.4 billion -- feh, pocket change), who was No. 278 on the mag's list of The Richest People in the Universe list in 2006. (Um, in March his worth was estimated at a mere -- mere -- $4 billion. So, like, a person can make $3.4 billion in a six months? Did. Not. Know. That.) Also making the list were the usual suspects (H. Ross Perot, Mark Cuban, Ray Hunt, Todd Wagner, Jerry Jones, Tom Hicks) and some less-than-familiar faces, among them 57-year-old, $1.5-billion-buck oil man Timothy Headington, who, says his Forbes 400 entry, is "financing The Young Victoria, flick based on life of British queen," which Martin Scorsese is exec-producing.

And there are nine entries from Fort Worth. Topping that list: Alice Walton, who comes in at No. 15 on the list of 400 with an estimated worth of $16.1 billion -- Wal-Mart money, dig? Also noted in her entry: She's twice divorced. Me, I think I'm in love. I am also fond of the accompanying Christopher Buckley essay on "The Forbes 400 Through History," if only for its extensive use of the word "ducat." --Robert Wilonsky

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