Alright my pals, not sure if you're aware, but there's this social networking site called Twitter. It's simultaneously a hellhole and enchanting corner of the Internet. It's a helluva source for news, but most importantly, a wonderful source for jokes and spirited rants alike. Snark aside (although what else is there?), we want to break down the best accounts from folks in the Dallas music scene.
But instead of just picking out some of the best accounts, we're going to make this interesting. Instead, we're going to hand out some awards. The rules for eligibility is that the users must currently live in Dallas, the account must be public, and no current Dallas Observer staffers or contributors can be included. (Otherwise I would fill every single spot, amiright?) Don't worry, this is no country for the Fake Deep™ or rappers who incessantly retweet compliments.
See also: The People Who Made Dallas Music Great in 2014 30 Reasons to Be Excited for Dallas Music in 2015
Best Twitter Rants
Guys, P.A.T. is pretty fed up with the Dallas rap scene. Actually he's pretty fed up with everything. His rants on everything from Dallas rap to sports to police brutality strike just the right mix of bombast and pure finesse. It's like having Kanye West on your timeline all over again. Granted, P.A.T. hasn't made some of the greatest albums of the 21st century, but he does actually read books.
Best All Caps Musings
New York Magazine was real 'cause it recognized real. Vanessa Quilantan tweets about life love, feminism and a number of other happenings with resolute thunder. It's in all caps, which at first (and perhaps second and third) glance can be annoying. But you get used to it and it's no different than a font. (It would be a problem if it were all in Comic Sans. Then again...) No, what matters is the actual words.
Best Tweets About The Weather
Pete Freedman's Twitter is pretty standard for the most part. He'll share links to articles from Central Track and make a short comment on a current event every now and again. But, where Pete shines (ready for this pun?) is when the sun is out. (How'd I do? Pete would be proud, anyway.) The weather isn't mundane ;it's always on all of our minds in Texas because it's absolutely a crock of shit 94.563 percent of the time. When the weather is nice, look out for a stream of whimsical comments from Freedman about how great the weather is.
Best Tweets About Cuisine
Most of us are really into food, except for you vegan or vegetarian bohemians, who love your body or heath or animals or whatever it is more than you actually love yourself. (Sorry, I'm just really confused about everything, to be honest.) BeMyFiasco loves herself, because see, she loves food and the good shit at that. This is pure science. For the best tweets about good cuisine, (especially about ribs) from a local musician, look no further than right here.
Best Trouble Starter
Mr. Christopher Mosley has over 5,000 ways to tell us that we are all nothing more than dilettantes. It's actually quite endearing to have a place where you always count on feeling someone's eyes roll in 140 characters or less. And he keeps us honest; after all, good criticism doesn't grow on dollar trees. Think: if Larry David had a Twitter account and perused the "dallas" + "noise rock" categories on Bandcamp for five straight hours once.
Best Band Twitter
The thing about most band Twitter pages in Dallas is that they're boring because the band's either don't give a single solitary fuck about Twitter or they have no clue how to use the site. Oil Boom's is a good mix of smart jokes, links of good pop culture writing from around the web, and music recommendations/suggestions/songs that are currently being listened to so must be shared. They've got their fingers on the pulse o contemporary culture. Hell, the lead singer, Ryan Taylor, wrote a think piece on the whole "Who the fuck is this Paul McCartney guy?" ordeal.
Best Tweets From A Promoter
Gavin Mulloy loves Dallas more than all of us. He really does. Combine this with the fact that he's a promoter and you have an infinite capacity to be truly annoying. Yet, Mulloy is not such. He's a little bit of a comedian, a lit bit of a troll an advertiser from all things Trees and the Bomb Factory, and a huge advocate, cheerleader and champion of the Dallas music scene.
Best Twitter Philosopher
What does it all mean? What is the meaning of life? Killa MC has a few ideas. You may not particularly agree with them, but he has a few ideas about life, love, friendship, and all of the other trappings we deal with in contemporary life, like thirst traps and the Aaliyah movie. Which is to say, this is one Very Important Twitter account.
Best Music Writer Twitter
Fort Worth Star Telegram's pop music critic has this Twitter shit figured out. Preston Jones rattles off relevant news items and waits not a second to lay out his unfiltered opinion on music matters or dole out a funny joke. Recently he tweeted about a paltry crowd showing up to a Keri Hilson set and scrounging for free Chick-Fil-A coupons at the same show. See, those are all the ingredients for a great page all rolled into one.
Best Dallas Cowboys Tweets
Paris Pershun is a huge Dallas Cowboys fan. I think he'd eat a hat if it'd guarantee a Super Bowl win. Day in and day out he'll tweet out funny stuff that's topical or a comment on the here life we live on this here Earth, but more importantly he's probably the biggest Dallas Cowboys fan who's still a sane, functioning member of society. The guy is still tweeting that Dez caught it, which sadly won't change anything. At this point we have to pull an Adele Dazeem and let it go.
Best Local Legend Who Does Not Sleep, But Opts For Grindin'
Erykah Badu is dope my friends. There really isn't much else that needs to be said. We'd make up a category if we had to. And, well, you get the point.
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