Website Says Dallas Is U.S.' 8th Best Place to Travel For Some Reason

Another day, another list dropped unceremoniously into the email account of the artist formerly known as Unfair Park. This time, with summer approaching, it's WalletHub's guide to the best cities for your summer vacation. (A sidebar: We get about 300 of these best-whatever lists every month from assorted websites, and curiously, no matter what the topic, big media markets seem to come out on top. We're not saying you should take these lists with a grain of salt. We're saying you should swallow the whole damn shaker.)

Anyhow, WalletHub has determined that Dallas is the eighth best city in the United States for summer travel, because ... because ...

Well, we like it here. Dallas can be a pretty great place to live. Big city amenities. Not totally cost prohibitive. A variety of neighborhoods that have their own identities and fiercely defend their turf. It's also guaranteed to be mind-meltingly hot over the course of the summer, beginning this weekend, if that's your thing.

And, yeah, if you rent a car there are some sights to see here and there. Some baseball (Arlington), giant amusement park (also Arlington) the Fort Worth Stockyards (surprisingly not Arlington).

But just between us, potential tourists, what are you doing coming here over places with legalized marijuana, beaches, mountains, Times Square or in case we didn't mention it, legalized marijuana? Seeing the site of the Kennedy assassination? What, are you a ghoul? Get ready for the gawking, macabre mob scene, including people sprinting into the street to take a photo and "tour guides" ready to fight each other to give you information of dubious historical value. Restaurants? Every food critic in town seems to think Dallas' dining scene is in a funk. Our civic leaders call one of our city's greatest natural resources, the Trinity River, a "big ditch."

Seriously, we do love our city. Tourists, though, not so much. Nothing personal, we just don't get why, if you put a pair of hideous shorts and add in some socks with sandals, you somehow lose the ability to obey traffic signals or order in a fast-food restaurant that has pictures of the food on the freakin' wall.

So, potential visitors, if you have seen the WalletHub list and are thinking about loading up on SPF 1000 and heading this way, here's a non-comprehensive list of cities where you'd probably have a better time, because the weekend wait at Jonathon's is already too damn long:

Denver
Seattle
Charleston
New Orleans
New York
Boston
Marfa
Memphis
Minneapolis
Gotham
Copenhagen
Cape Town
Santa Fe
Portland, Oregon
Pyongyang
Nashville
Providence
Toronto
Cooperstown
Las Vegas
Seoul
Berlin
Buenos Aires
Atlantis
Chicago
Washington, DC
Boise
Montreal
Philadelphia
Portland, Maine
Cleveland
Bangkok
Quahog
Hanoi
Sydney
Melbourne
Los Angeles
Baltimore
Miami
Anchorage
Vancouver
Stockholm
Milwaukee
San Francisco
Helsinki
Fargo
Salt Lake City