Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your rope, welcome to Whitt's End:
*Don't care if you're a puckhead or merely a fan of storybook endings, you had to have been moved (to tears?) by Mike Modano's swan song at American Airlines Center Thursday night. In his final home game as a Dallas Star in American Airlines Center, No. 9 assisted on a goal for 1-1, deftly re-directed a chest-high puck for a goal at 2-2, then scored on the shootout to help his team to an emotional 3-2 win. Good for Modano. Perfect capper on a 16-year career. Like Magic Johnson hitting that 3-pointer in the NBA All-Star Game or Pete Sampras winning the U.S. Open, please end on a high. In other words, Brett Favre sucks.
*Friend of a friend of a lil' birdie tells me two interesting tidbits about Dirk Nowitzki. 1. The custom-made mattress on his bed cost a cool $26,000. 2. He, like someone else I know, has gotten a foot massage from a dude at FootJoy in Richardson. So there.
*So this is where we are in America: Nothing matters. Anything short of murder you can come back from. Right, Tiger Woods? Dude lies and cheats and makes a fortune off an image that is a total sham. But before he teed off Thursday at The Masters he received a rousing ovation from golf fans eagerly willing to forgive and forget. Said Tiger, "I haven't heard them cheer this loud in all my years." Sickening. Why? Because it diminishes the real role models who live their lives without colossal fuck-ups. Think about it: We're cheering louder for Tiger now than a year ago. I'm the world's best golfer, a good father and a private husband? Clap. I'm a lying, cheating dirtbag who slept with 17 women out of marriage and hasn't played golf in five months? Clapclapclapclapclap!
*Feels like the Dallas Cowboys gave up on Flozell Adams one year too early. Doug Free would have been the perfect backup, even a guy who pushed Adams for playing time. But with Free the starter at left tackle, Dallas has no depth. Bottom line: Flozell would have made $7.5 million this season; Free will make $545,000.
*I predicted 92 wins for the Texas Rangers and an AL West title. Who am I to haggle with Nolan Ryan? But if Josh Hamilton doesn't hit (0 for 8) and Julio Borbon (0 for 12) doesn't lead off and Frankie Franciso (he pitched for the cycle in Thursday's disastrous 9th inning) doesn't close, they'll struggle to win 29. Rangers have 25 strikeouts to only 15 hits in three games, 7 by Vladimir Guerrero.
*Hot.
*Not.
*Speaking of the Rangers, you get wanna get drunk quick? Play a drinking game where you take a shot every time Josh Lewin calls TV sidekick Tom Grieve "Tag." It's an acronym for Grieve's full name - Thomas Alan Grieve - but, boy, is it annoying. And sooo forced. In your daily one-on-one conversations, how many times do you start a sentence with the person's name? "Newy, it's a sunny day isn't it?" Zero? Me too.
*Shame, shame, shame on President Obama. After flaunting a White Sox cap while throwing out the first pitch at the Nationals game, he was asked to validate his fandom by naming a couple of his favorite Chicago players growing up. Couldn't name any. Not a one. That, my friends, is a sports fraud. Guaranteed you know one. Probably the guy in Yankees cap in the next cubicle.
*Not a huge - get it? - fan of the Mavs Maniacs, but this actually sounds fun. The robust male dance troupe will perform tonight at RollerWorld Skating Rink in Haltom City tonight at 11 p.m. The fun part? Fridays are always "Teen Dance Night" at RollerWorld. Ah, the good ol' days of my youth spent wasted at the skating rink. Two words: Kissing. Contest.
*Dallas-based agent Jordan Woy not only represents high-profile players like Flozell Adams and Jason Witten, he finds the local diamonds in the rough. For the upcoming NFL Draft Woy is repping TCU linebacker Daryl Washington, TCU offensive lineman Marshall Newhouse, SMU receiver Emmanuel Sanders, Texas defensive lineman Lamarr Houston, Oklahoma cornerback Brian Jackson, Oklahoma State cornerback Perrish Cox and UTEP receiver Jeff Moturi. All attended Metroplex high schools. Good for him.
*Speaking of the NFL Draft, the Cowboys are hosting an official party Thursday, April 22 at Cowboys Stadium. The event, which will include exclusive war-room audio from Valley Ranch and a live broadcast by a team including yours truly on 105.3 The Fan, is free. That's right, free. $5 to park. But there won't be many times you can get into Cowboys Stadium for $5. Plus, the Cheerleaders will be performaing. Oh, and Rowdy.
*A Confederacy of Dunces indeed. Virginia Republican Gov. Bob McDonnell declared April "Confederate History Month" in his state without including any references to slavery. Wouldn't that be like the Dallas Mavericks celebrating "NBA Finals History Month" and leaving out the part about missed free throws and blown 2-0 leads and, well, losing?
*I hate chipmunk anything. But I love this.
*Color me jaded, but somewhere along the line we went overboard with this whole marriage thing. In our lives we don't limit ourselves to one of anything. One car for life? One house? One pair of shoes? One vacation spot? One sport? One favorite meal? Then why oh why do we attempt to elongate the failed virtues of monogomy and marriage into eternity? There's a reason why over half of all marriages end in divorce - it ain't natural. I say we inject more sports into romance. Meet a girl you like, or even love, and agree to sign a 3-year contract. When the deal is up you either re-up, or part ways in search of a better, more compatible "player."
*Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is doing the right thing. Right, Derrius Bell? Read his story and you'll never again take for granted a good night's sleep.
*This weekend? I know, let's celebrate a hot 22-year-old's birthday by taking her to a topless bar for the first time and then let's get up waaaay early Sunday morning, trek out to Texas Stadium and tackle a cheesy 11-year-old when he dares to blow up Texas Stadium. Who's with me?
