Your 5-Day Dallas Forecast as Movie Villains

Sure, you know it's raining and today has a general crapturdness about it, weather-wise. But what does the rest of the week have in store? We're so glad you asked. We've got the best 5-day forecast in Dallas for you, right here. Behold: Your 5-day forecast as Movie Villains...

By Alice Laussade

March 18, 2015

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Sure, you know it's raining and today has a general crapturdness about it, weather-wise. But what does the rest of the week have in store? We're so glad you asked. We've got the best 5-day forecast in Dallas for you, right here.

Behold: Your 5-day forecast as Movie Villains.

Wednesday: Hans Gruber

It's scary out there now, but it'll be alright by the end of the night. Keep your shoes on.

Thursday: The Sexual Chemistry Between Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman in Star Wars Episode II

It's going to suck. All day. Like full suck.

Friday: The Six-Fingered Man

It'll be kinda nice in the morning and then totally shitty rainy later in the day. At this point, after about three days of shitty rainy weather, you'll really start to feel the rain torture set in.

Saturday: T-1000

Your Saturday is about to be T-1000ed. It's going to rain on your outdoor plans all day, and you might end up getting chased by a metallic cop on foot who looked super nice to start, and then turned into a total assbutt.

Sunday: Lord Business from The Lego Movie

Everything is going to turn out to be fucking awesome. The rain will go away, the sun will roll in, and everything will be bike-riding and meadow-frolics.

Overall, your weather for the next five days is a solid Edward Rooney. Buckle up, wait it out, and enjoy the sun once it finally shows its sun face again.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.

Contact: Alice Laussade