'Gourmet' Dating Services Ponder The Missing Male
Ed Bamberger can't figure it out.
On a Thursday night, 33 members show up for a ritzy five course spread at Nana--28 women and five men. A few days later, he hosts another in a series of Single Gourmet events. This time a casual gathering for brunch draws 12 women and two lucky guys to Asian Mint.
"Men will think nothing of spending $200 or $300 on a round of golf," he says. But try dragging them to a $59 afternoon outing with a dozen females. They'd rather blow it at happy hour, chatting up the waitress. "I've advertised and you know what I get? Women. Something," he continues, "isn't working."
Bamberger's organization targets singles 30-ish to 65-ish who share an interest in restaurants and friendly discussion. However, even groups working with a younger crowd report a shortage of men. Eight at Eight, which, as the name implies, pairs up four of each sex for an evening of dinner and conversation, usually ends up with at least eight female applicants for every guy who signs up for one of their four or four dinners.
"There are a lot of girls looking," explains Anna Lentz of the local
Eight at Eight chapter. "It takes guys a little more time--a little
pushing."
Really? Plenty of men work the Internet dating angle. And there's no
shortage on Saturday nights at Suite--so it sounds like something more
than shy reluctance. I attended two recent Single Gourmet dinners and
met about 40 successful, interesting and confident women. There was
someone high up at a major-player advertising agency, a department head
from one of the big national consulting firms, a fashion and travel
photographer...If anything, it suggests some men are still threatened
by anyone other than "pretty little things." Consider the Taliban, or
the Southern Baptists, for that matter. On the other hand, maybe guys
are simply cheap bastards.
But let's give them (including me, by the way) a little leeway. One
possible reason men shrink from organized singles events could be
naturally abreviated attention spans--an attribute often praised in the
corporate world as being "results-oriented."
"I think a lot of men want something instant," Bamberger says.
Another possibility? The folks who run these organizations ban uncouth
behavior. Single Gourmet, in fact, has barred about sixty people for
placing cell phones on the table, excessive drunkenness, spouting bad
pick-up lines and other normal guy tactics. As a result, women seem
perfectly comfortable at Bamberger's events--treating them as social
gatherings, accumulating new friends and so forth. Perhaps the
atmosphere intimidates some men.
But I would suggest, instead, that evolutionary changes have taken a
toll. The advent of the metrosexual destroyed whatever was left of the
old hunter-gatherer gene. Modern, post-metro men are either afraid to
take advantage of a situation or--worse--fail to recognize one. I mean,
a couple guys allowed to cull through 12 or so females without
opposition or outside interference versus battling for elbow room to
overtip a comely bartender in hopes that she'll look your direction
once in awhile? Conversing with a woman whose income could fund a
lifetime's worth of happy hours versus hitting on the bubbly mass comm
major? It's hard to imagine the human race surviving more than a few
millenia had our ancestors made such poor decisions.
Then again, maybe guys are just cheap bastards.
