Top Chef Seattle: A Valentine to Josh Valentine on Valentine's Day

This week on Top Chef: Seattle, Josh Valentine used Canadian bacon instead of real bacon in the QuickFire, and then zero bacon in the Elimination Challenge. So they sent him home. (If that's a spoiler for you and you're mad because you hadn't watched the episode yet, here's a reality...

By Alice Laussade

February 14, 2013

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This week on Top Chef: Seattle, Josh Valentine used Canadian bacon instead of real bacon in the QuickFire, and then zero bacon in the Elimination Challenge. So they sent him home.

(If that's a spoiler for you and you're mad because you hadn't watched the episode yet, here's a reality show pro-tip: Don't read shit about shit you didn't watch until you watch the shit and then it's not shit you didn't watch anymore. Your life is so much easier now. You're welcome.)

I hoped he'd make it through Last Chance Kitchen (which is the bullshit last chance they're giving everyone after they've already been kicked off the show, to get back onto the show). I cheered when I saw him in his FT33 chef coat (well-played, McCallisters). He seemed hyped, centered, like he was going to own this challenge. But, he didn't win. Tom Colicchio said he sent Josh home because the venison was undercooked. But we all know it's because Josh overgreased his mustache for the show that day. That shit can throw a man off.

Watch the Last Chance Kitchen episode for yourself, and see what I mean. Every time you see the FT33 coat, chug a beer:

You made Dallas proud, Valentine. You bacon-ed the shit out of that show. Good game.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.

Contact: Alice Laussade