Lots of Top Chef QuickFires and elimination challenges are sponsored by brands (it's a TV show, product placement happens), but this week was especially annoying.
See also: Top Chef: Seattle Episode 5 Recap: The Ginger Curse Is Real
Truvia sponsored the QuickFire, and the prize for the Elimination Challenge was a Prius. Watching the chefs talk about how awesome the Prius was for the obviously-agreed-upon amount of time was pretty painful, until Stefan (AKA Bobcat Goldthwait Dexter) chimed in with, "There's plenty of space in the trunk."
But then, Christmas came early and we got Marilyn Hagerty (Olive Garden lady!). She judged the QuickFire, and had never seen a tamale before. She later mentioned it in the bottom three of the challenge, referring to it as a "dry taco."
For the Elimination Challenge, Tesar decides to make a clam chowder. He name drops Rick Moonen as the guy who taught him how to make the dish. Then, just like fuckin' Beetlejuice, Rick Moonen immediately appears to judge the Elimination Challenge. Tesar gets a little nervous about this, but it turns out fine. Pretty sure that if he had known he had the power to magically make anyone appear by cooking a dish they shared with him, the segment would've gone something more like:
Tesar: "Yeah, this week, I decided to go with making the pizza bagels that Heidi Klum's right breast once showed me how to microwave." (waiting) (still waiting) (BOOM HEIDI KLUM BOOB APPEARS!) "I AM THE MOST AMAZING OF ALL TIME!! I WILL NOW MAKE THE GARLIC SALT POPCORN ZEUS ONCE SHARED WITH ME!!! I AM THE END OF TIMES!!!" (world asplodes)
Instead, he made the clam chowder, it was good, and a girl named Brooke won the Elimination Challenge with lamb stuffed squid, because when you stuff squid with lamb you fucking win everything. Try it.
McPherson and Valentine landed in the bottom four of the challenge, and pants began to get a little pooped. Early on in the episode, McPherson had been unhappy with the boar she had prepared, and she started talking all sad about it in her interviews and she was saying she wasn't sure she was cut out for the show and America yelled, "IF TOP GINGER GOES HOME, I'M PUNCHING THIS TV."
She didn't go home. And neither did Valentine. Praise the Top Chef lords.
Most amazingly: the preview for next week showed our entire Dallas crew getting money shot by a blender. Behold:
If you'd like to make an animated gif of the shot, here's the footage (skip to the one-minute mark):
Predictions for next week's Top Chef: Tesar name-drops Beyonce, just to see if Beyonce will immediately appear to judge the elimination challenge; Valentine and Stefan make out a little; McPherson wins the elimination challenge by doing The Pamchenko.
