1. Bikini season: The guy in the Southern Comfort commercials, which encourages us to do "Whatever's Comfortable," is making us reconsider "sexy." It's working. Let it happen.
2. Great bar food in Dallas: Scott Reitz knows a bar when he sees one. He also knows the fundamentals of good grub to go with a bar, as demonstrated in his list of Eight Bars Serving some of the Best Bar Food in Dallas. Thing is, losing weight truly involves social isolation. Why would you do that to yourself?
3. Your DNA just says "no": Last year about this time, The New York Times Magazine ran an article called The Fat Trap that asked the question, "Do You Have to be Superhuman to Lose Weight?" And after writer Tara Parker-Pope penned about 5,000 words the resounding answer was, "Yes, you do." So, just buy comfy pants.
4. Dallas' most notable new restaurants: Dallas got some dandies this year and it's downright rude of you not to visit them. It's like taking a new neighbor a batch of cookies. You need to support these families/restaurants in their new endeavors. Be a good neighbor.
5. Best dishes of 2012: Hopefully you picked up this print edition when it was out. If not, then get your ink cartridges refilled and keep a copy in your fanny pack or purse for a handy guide for your next best meal(s).
6. Big Tex: Our favorite fair greeter in huge Dickie's pants went up in flames this year. You think if he had another day on Earth he'd gorge on some corn dogs? Of course, he would. Of course. He. Would. Eat for Big Tex. It's your obligation as a Texan and to any fair that ever was.
7. Tex-Mex (and your pride): With brisket tacos and beer at hand, Scott recently pulled together the Nine Best Tex-Mex Restaurants in Dallas. As it's the (unofficial) state food, loyal Texans should gorge on Tex-Mex regularly; and those 20 Weight Watchers points you get allocated each day are in one bite of the sour cream enchiladas at Herrera's. Game over.
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8. Succulent food photography: Catherine Downes is just getting warmed up. She's the Observer's budding food photographer and can capture the harmony of melting cheese or an oozing egg yolk like nobody's business. Looking at the pictures alone is worth 500 calories.
9. Your docile mental health: Setting oneself up for failure so early in the year leads to a downward spiral of disappointments the rest of the year. Instead, set yourself up for winning! Commit to not losing weight. Then, fly off that pommel horse and stick both heels in the mat, arms raised in victory, nary a false step for a perfect 10. Nailed it!
10. About those baby seals: OMG, look at how freaking cute they are. They'll grow to weigh some 400 pounds and have to fight and hunt for every single one of those life-saving calories. Your resolution to stave off fattening food that is so readily available is an insult to their fragile existence. Eat for the baby seals!