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100 Holidays Ranked By Deliciousness

Thanksgiving's cool, but Day After Thanksgiving is the fucking best thing ever.
Thanksgiving's cool, but Day After Thanksgiving is the fucking best thing ever.

Known: Thanksgiving is one of the best food holidays ever. So, where do the other 99 holidays we could think of rank? We're so glad you asked.

1. Day After Thanksgiving: All the food, none of the family. Plus you get Leftovers Sandwiches. Choose to deny that this is the best food holiday of all food holidays and you're just lying to yourself.

2. Thanksgiving

3. Chinese New Year

4. Rosh Hoshana

5. National Eat An Entire Pie Day

6. Christmas Day

7. National Fried Egg on Everything Day: Tradition: Add a fried egg to everything you eat and also fried-egg bomb everyone else's food and drink. Fun things to fried-egg bomb: cereal, fountain Cokes, bananas.

8. Fat Tuesday

9. Hanukkah

10. Beastie Boys Day: Tradition: Drink Brass Monkey, put dick in mashed potatoes 11. Super Bowl Sunday

12. 4/20

13. Independence Day

14. Cinco de Mayo (AKA Drinko de Mayo)

15. Christmas Eve

16. Day After Christmas

17. Your birthday

18. National Figs Are Fucking Awesome And You Know It Day

19. All Churros Eve

20. Day you quit P90X

21. Thai-To-Go Delivery Day

22. Thanksgiving Monday

23. National BBQ Binge Day: Tradition: Eat enough brisket to kill a horse. Get meat sweats. Then, watch Daniel Vaughn point and laugh at you and probably call you a pussy.

24. Bacon Halloween

25. Halloween

26. Sandra Lee Day: Tradition: Get hammered and pretend you made these Doritos from scratch.

27. Angry Food Binge Because Your Football Team Lost Day

28. Valentine's Day

29. National The 5-Second Rule Is Extended To The 5-Minute Rule Day

30. That Friend's Birthday Party That Happens To Be At Your Favorite Restaurant And The Friend Pays Day

31. National Fried Turducken Day

32. St. Patrick's Day

33. Juice Fast Eve

34. Constantine Maroulis Day: Tradition: Eat a gyro whilst squintily singing karaoke

35. National Eat The Entire Cheese and Fruit Tray Day

36. New Year's Eve

37. Vernal Equinox

38. Vernal Equinox Eve

39. Memorial Day

40. Labor Day

41. Prince Harry Day: Tradition: Eat scones, but pronounce them "skons;" Call your "sweater" a "jumper;" Be all British 'n shit.

42. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

43. April Fools' Day

44. National Fried Bacon Pancake Day

45. International Respect For Chickens Day : Tradition: Eat a shit ton of chickens to show our respect for them.

46. Unbirthday

47. National Cream-Filled Donut Day

48. Ron Jeremy Day: Tradition: Binge on Ding Dongs

49. National Chug A Margarita At Work Day

50. National Finish Someone Else's Hamburger Day

51. R. Kelly Day: Tradition: Walk up in club; Pop bottles of Cris; Ask someone to give you "that toot toot" and "that beep beep;" Make out with your cousin.

52. National Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Competition For Amateur Competitive Eaters Who Like To Eat While The Legit Competitors Eat Day

53. National Day After You Get A Physical Day

54. National Steal Someone Else's Lunch From The Work Fridge Day (Note: Some also celebrate this holiday on 4/20.)

55. Senior Skip Day

56. Freaky Friday

57. National Hide The Salami But Seriously, Where's The Fucking Salami I'm Going To Punch The Asshole Who Hid It That Was Fancy Fucking Salami Day

58. Oscar Night

59. Martha Stewart Day: Tradition: Make the best fucking meal ever with the best flower arrangements and the best table setting ever. (Do not fuck this part up.) Then, go to jail.

60. Father's Day

61. Opposite Day

62. National "How Bad Can Expired Chef Boyardee Really Be?" Day

63. Summer's Eve

64. Guy Fieri Day: Tradition: Kangol hat + fire shirt + neck sunglasses + these taquitos

65. Lincoln's Bday

66. Canada Day

67. Good Friday

68. Bring Your Kid To Work Day

69. Rachael Ray Day: Tradition: See how many times you can say, "E.V.O.O.," "Nutrish," "Yummo," and "How good is that?" before someone gives you the traditional junk punch.

70. Cyber Monday

71. National Rub Your Balls On Some Pretzels and Gift Them To Your Boss (AKA Boss's Day.)

72. Crazy Socks Day

73. National Cheese Balls and Pop Rocks Day

74. Kate Moss Day: See: Charlie Sheen Day. Tradition: Eat nothing but cocaine.

75. Groundhog Day

76. National Seitan Is Seriously So Gross, Y'all Day

77. First day of Passover

78. World Vegetarian Day

79. Justin Bieber Day: Tradition: Basically spend the whole day taking paternity tests and chugging wine coolers while you wonder how you're so good at singing like a Chipmunk, yet so sucky at writing songs.

80. Friday the 13th

81. National Fruitcake Day

82. Significant Other Drags You To Hang Out With People You Secretly Hate Day (Note: For some, this holiday is observed on Thanksgiving or Mother's Day.)

83. Mother's Day

84. Administrative Assistant's Day

85. New Year's Day: Black-eyed peas (food and/or band. + hangover = So not cool.)

86. Yom Kippur

87. National Fruit Bouquet Day

88. Pap Smear Day (Known in England as Ye Olde Medical Fanny Hand Jab Day) 89. Presidents Day

90. National Garlic and Onions Only Day

91. Columbus Day/ Veterans Day/ Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day (Three-way tie for almost worstest food holidays.)

92. National Expired Bologna Day

93. Arbor Day

94. National Freezer-Burned Food Day

95. Earth Day

96. National Doctors' Day

97. Flag Day

98. National Oatmeal Cookies Are Super Nasty And Shouldn't Count As Cookies Awareness Day

99. National Anything's Better Than Shrimp Scampi Day Day

100. National Shrimp Scampi Day

Follow City of Ate on Twitter. Follow me at @thecheapbastard.

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