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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

If you've had Lucia's Agnolotti more than once, you eat out a lot.
If you've had Lucia's Agnolotti more than once, you eat out a lot.
Catherine Downes

Everybody has that Dallas friend who seems to know everything about every restaurant in this fine city. But have things gone a little too far?

Are we on a first-name basis with way too many sommeliers in town? Is it easier for people to find you sitting at a table inside La Banqueta on Bryan Street than at your own home? (If you knee-jerk answered "Whatever, there aren't tables inside La Banqueta on Bryan Street, there's only a bar with like one chair and there's barely any room for someone to sit there, nobody would hang out there all day," there's no reason for you to read this list. You clearly have a problem.)

Is it time for an intervention? Here are 25 signs that you might be spending too much time dining out in Dallas.

25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
Catherine Downes

1. You never schedule meetings for 9 a.m. on the first of the month, just in case you might want to make reservations at Lucia.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

2. John Tesar hates you.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

3. You've ordered so many Ascencion macchiatos that they no longer lecture about what a real macchiato is.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
via Fearing's

4. Dean Fearing's band wrote a song about you.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

5. Your car is parked overnight on Henderson at least three nights a week.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
Scott Reitz

6. Your phone no longer autocorrects "Nonna" to "Nina."

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
Alison V. Smith

7. When you order the omakase at Tei-An, Teiichi starts sharpening his knives and says, "Oh, it's on bitches."

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

8. You've been chest bumped by Jack Perkins.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
Sara Kerens

9. "If found, deliver to Neighborhood Services" is tattooed on the inside of your wrist.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

10. You know where this artwork hangs.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

11. You avoid Mother's Day brunch because "All those stupid families be fillin' up my favorite restaurant."

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Cafe Momentum founder Chad Houser (right) with apprentice Malik Runnels.
Cafe Momentum founder Chad Houser (right) with apprentice Malik Runnels.
Stanton Stevens

12. Your watch is synchronized to Cafe Momentum's so you're sure to get tickets to their pop-up dinners exactly five seconds after they go on sale. Every time.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
Catherine Downes

13. You refer to Off-Site Kitchen as "Kitchen."

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
Naomi Vaughn

14. Guy Fieri's production staff called you and asked which Dallas restaurants he should check out for Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

15. Kent Rathbun once let you drive his yellow Porsche as an amuse bouche.

 

25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
press photo

16. You know exactly how many inches taller you are than Stephan Pyles.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas
Alison V. Smith

17. You named your dog McCallister. When he goes to take a dump, you say "he's foraging."

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

18. The Sprinkles Cupcake ATM speaks your name when you order from it, like KITT from Knight Rider.

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Colleen O'Hare with Jeana Johnson and ACME chef Norm Grimm
Colleen O'Hare with Jeana Johnson and ACME chef Norm Grimm
press photos

19. Jeana and Colleen asked you what their next restaurant concept should be.

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Jeff White of Jimmy's.
Jeff White of Jimmy's.
Sara Kerens

20. You count picking up at Jimmy's as making dinner.

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If you know when this was taken, you dine out way too much.
If you know when this was taken, you dine out way too much.

21. You've eaten Luscher's Post Oak items at more than three different locations.

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The burger at Tried and True
The burger at Tried and True
Lori Brand

22. You know the names of the last five bars that have occupied the space currently occupied by Tried & True, and you ate at all of them.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

23. You've scooped Teresa Gubbins.

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24. When you get home from work, you wait in your driveway for the valet.

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25 Signs You Dine Out Too Much in Dallas

25. Bruno calls you when he's sad.

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If more than five of these signs apply to you, maybe try going to a grocery store soon and buying something other than toiletries, huh? Baby steps.


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