I was leaving the Barnes and Noble after my usual weekly session of reading all of their magazines without purchasing anything when McAlister's Deli caught my eye. It was the lunch hour and the place was pretty empty, but their menu had too much interesting stuff on it for me to leave without trying something. They offer all kinds of sandwiches, including a chicken pesto that looked really good and a muffaletta that's probably great but I'll never know because I'm 12 years old and can't order one without laughing (Guy at counter: "Would you like mayo on that?" Me: "Freak!"). I'm sure you'll say, "But, Alice—I love muffalettas. They're mufftastic. I heart eatin' me some muffaletta." And to all of you folks who love getting your muffaletta on, I say: Good for you, but it's just not my thang.
I do, however, love a good club sandwich. Toasted bread, everything on it, sometimes cut into triangles for you like your mom works back there in the restaurant's kitchen and always, always, always with bacon. What's not to like? At McAlister's, they don't cut the sandwich into triangles (although, I'm sure they would if you special ordered it that way), but they load it up with so much yummy stuff you might actually eat the crusts. I had the orange cranberry club meal, which is a sandwich packed with turkey, ham, bacon, cheddar cheese, Swiss cheese, lettuce and tomatoes on wheat bread with their signature orange cranberry sauce, plus a side of chips and a giant drink for around seven bucks. The sandwich was all I had hoped it would be. The orange cranberry sauce was sweet and paired well with the deli meats; the veggies were fresh; and the bacon was bacon, which I love on anything. I love bacon like gay bars love playing Lady Gaga tracks. Like skinny bitches love talking about how fat they are. Like Chris Hansen loves bustin' pervs. I love bacon so much I would have sung "I Will Always Love You" to it if I could only have decided which version (Big-bozonga-ed Dolly version or coked-up-out-of-my-mind Whitney version) to belt out. Yay, bacon. And, yay, McAlister's.