Back Away from the Fro-Yo Toppings, You Undisciplined Flavor Freaks
Apparently you guys like it when I'm angry, so I was all ready to launch into my next rant about the odd concept that is the modern yogurt shop, including Yumilicious in Uptown, which I visited last week. But it didn't feel right to rail on the shop. Everyone in the place seemed happy. They're doing something right.
After some consideration I realized: I have nothing against dessert, or yogurt, or toppings, or serve-yourself, or millions of options, either. I do wish some of the toppings here tasted a little less plasticine, but that's not the reason we're here. No, it's the customers and their egregious flavor behavior that made me want to start throwing Jelly Worms at people.
I'd never been to Yumilicious, or any of the similarly constructed yogurt shops around town, so I cased the place as I would any new dining experience, surveying all the options before committing to anything. I settled on avocado yogurt. I offset its pleasing tang with sweet pineapple, then added some texture with the oily crunch of chopped almonds.
I should have stopped there, but that's the problem with the limitless topping station. Like a fat kid at the buffet without parental supervision, it's hard to know when to stop. I thought the sourness of ruby grapefruit slices would add another welcomed dimension to my creation, and it was a fine addition for sure. But it was entirely unnecessary. I should have stopped with my first two toppings. They were simple and more than adequate.
But compared to my tablemates, I proved to be the Rothko of yogurt construction. Their Pollockian creations included multiple yogurt flavors and so many toppings it looked like a candy store exploded. After a few bites their yogurt tubs looked like a nightmare. I asked if anyone could discern any individual flavors in what now looked like Willy Wonka throw-up. They couldn't. Of course they couldn't.
I tried to explain that just a modicum of restraint would produce a more pleasurable yogurt experience, complete with discernible flavors and textures, but my friends just smiled and continued to shove the melting goop into their yogurt holes. It was a lost cause. Yumilicious brings out the inner child in us that loves excess, I guess. That's probably why they're as busy as they are.
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