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Bacon Can Lower Your Sperm Count: But Maybe That's a Good Thing?

You didn't think this stuff would actually help you procreate did you?
You didn't think this stuff would actually help you procreate did you?
TK

Bacon blew up the Internet again. A quick Google search for "bacon" and "infertility" will produce a whole slew of articles and blog posts pointing to the results of a fertility study that were recently presented at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine Conference in Boston.

Researchers evaluated the eating habits of men in not-so-fertile couples and determined that a diet high in processed meat has a negative impact on sperm count. The Internet goons quickly replaced processed meat with bacon, and the story went viral. Eventually GQ published a riff with the title: "Bacon Lowers Sperm Count, Life No Longer Worth Living."

What I don't get is why the effect of bacon on fertility is a bad thing. Certainly couples that are actively trying to make smaller versions of themselves might consider laying off the smoked swine, but the rest of us should read this as a cause for celebration.

Where are the T-shirts that read "Bacon: better than birth control"? Or the BLT (with extra bacon) specials at restaurants that cater to young singles? Clubs should offer a slice of bacon with every vodka shot they pour, and it's not hard to picture a dude with contempt for prophylactics trying his hardest: It's OK baby -- I just had bacon.

No matter where you stand on your desire to procreate, it's obvious the Internet is shamelessly abusing bacon. The last time the processed pork went viral a presumably "unavoidable" global shortage had bloggers predicting the coming Porkocalypse. Bacon supplies were fine though, and so is your fertility score. Just eat bacon in moderation, and wear a condom just in case.


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