BG's Subs: Drive By, Not Through

The Dallas Arboretum is beautiful this time of year. It's also fucking crazy. If you're driving down Garland road during arboretum business hours, you'll see a ridiculously long line of minivans stuffed with sticky-toddler-filled cars eats, brides-to-be and chicks decked out in their quinceañera dresses all super frustrated that they're stuck waiting in the aforementioned stupid long line and eager to get their photo taken with some big-ass tulips.

After pointing and laughing at all the angry stressball moms in the minivan line, I got hungry. As soon as I spotted this sub sandwich place, blinker, brakes, 50 mph right turn.

Going through the BG's Subs drive-through, I thought I saw some nice, covered outdoor seating. But when I looked a second time, I realized, "Those are headstones." Headstones on little four-legged platforms that could totally be marble picnic tables under a nice tent, only they're headstones. Because BG's Subs is right next door to American Memorial Grave Marker. American Memorial has grave markers, caskets—basically all your dead-stuff needs. And they've been there for a while. You think when BG's decided to open up a restaurant they were like, "Hmmmm... of all the locations in all of Dallas, where do you think people would be the hungriest?" Ding! "I've got it! When they're picking out caskets and planning the burial of their loved ones!"


cheap lunch

BGs Subs 10118 Garland Rd Dallas, TX 75218
Headstone count: 50 Lunch fail count: 1

Maybe it's the location, maybe it's because the place is relatively new, but when I drove through, the restaurant was deader than the clientele of American Memorial.

Their sandwichy menu had a variety of old-timey car-named sandwiches listed, or you can build your own sandwich. I ordered the Studebaker, which is $7.99 and comes with provolone, Swiss, bologna, salami, pastrami, baked ham, cappicola, pepperoni and a free side of I Wish I Hadn't Ordered This. Aside from being way too expensive ($7.99 before drink and chips), the bread was soggy, the tomatoes were far from ripe and the whole thing reeked of expiration.

High school cafeterias. Skinny girls' trash cans. Hamster bowls. All these places offer a far better lunch experience than BG's.


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