On this day, we lost a fried hero. This morning, Big Tex caught on fire at the State Fair of Texas. Twitter lit up with jokes about as quickly as Tex did. I guess we all grieve differently.
See also: Big Tex Burned Down Today at the State Fair Alice Laussade's exclusive interview with Big Tex We'd like to take a moment to say thanks to Big Tex for his 60 years of service. Before you continue reading, please play Boyz II Men's It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday.
("How do Iiiiiiiiiiiiii (snap) say goodbyyyyyyye....")
Every year, for three weeks straight, that fool would stand at the fair with one Santa Claus arm out and one Santa Claus arm weirdly at his shoulder, saying "Howdy, folks!" to every single person he saw. He was a 52-foot tall Walmart greeter before there were Walmart greeters.
("I thought we'd get to see foreeeveeeeer...")
("But forEVER's GOWN AWAAAAAY...")
Big Tex, I remember being afraid of you when I was a kid. And last week. But, you stuck around like an old, creepy carnival worker should.
("I hope it's worth all the payayayain. It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterdaaaay...")
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The Big Tex Choice Awards bobble heads did not bobble for eight straight minutes today. They'll carry on your giant cowboy legacy in miniature until we can rebuild you.
("And I'll taaaaaaake with me the memoreeeeeeeEEEEEeeeeeess to BE MAH SUNSHIIINE after the RAYYYAAAAAIhahayahayayahayaayhaaayn.")
And I promise, we won't let the rebuilders try to rebuild you cooler. There will be no Big Tex 2.0 bullshit. You will be rebuilt with exactly the same funky face and giant Dickeys that you're supposed to have. We love you, Big Tex. Can't believe this happened. We're all pouring out 200oz beers in your memory tonight.