BREAKING: Chef John Tesar Has Another New Job [Updates in Post]
Oak has been glowing a strange hue since early this morning
Breaking news from the Dallas food scene: On the heels of the Morning News' possibly wrong report that he is replacing Chef Brian Zenner at Oak, Chef John Tesar, former Spoon and current Knife chef, is scheduled to take the pastry chef slot at CBD Provisions. It's an interesting development following the announcement at Oak and the closing of Spoon and possible reopening of Spoon as well as plans for an Italian restaurant called Fork. Tesar has not offered any public comment at this time, but the Observer is tracking movements at Oak and CBD.
UPDATE: 11:06 a.m. John Tesar's team has just announced, on the heels of the Oak and CBD Provisions announcement, that he'll be working weeknights as a bartender at Uptown's So & So's. Tesar's position as weeknight bartender at So & So's follows the news of his positions as Head Chef at Oak and Pastry Chef at CBD Provisions. A reporter on the scene has noted Tesar is already cleaning the beautiful wood bar with nice towels at So & So's.
UPDATE 11:33 a.m. Tesar has just tweeted some exciting news: The head chef of Oak, pastry chef at CBD and bartender at So & So's, will also teach woodworking at Richland College. Students have already begun to line up in the rain, a source tells the Observer.
UPDATE [same]: The Observer has obtained illustrated sketches that outline Tesar's plan to "copy his DNA" into the bodies of other chefs around Dallas. Tesar explains in the email: "This will ensure I can be at all places at once, and we will communicate through brain fibers." One of the drawings indicates Tesar will control all of his chef clones by raising his arm to his chest and tapping three times.
UPDATE, 11:44 a.m: Tesar's team has just refuted the chef clone report. The chef will continue to operate at Knife, Oak, CBD, So & So's, and teach at Richland, while planning Knife and maybe a new Spoon. The email promises the release of more, and to "watch for my sign."
UPDATE, 11:45 a.m: Following the retraction, Chef Tesar has announced, in addition to being head chef, pastry chef, bartender and woodworker, he will be rennovating the Sonic on Ross Avenue to be a high-end fresh oysters and clams drive-thru called "Tesar's Clams." The release indicates it will be Tesar shooting through the lanes on rollerblades, bringing ice-cold trays of New England oysters to customers. Dale Hansen will act as the oyster shucker, says the release.
3:44 p.m. After a rigorous day of announcements, there have been no updates or tweets from Tesar's team.
UPDATE, 1/23, 11:33 a.m.: Tesar's team has announced "Phase 3." The announcement took over a live broadcast of The Guiding Light on TV, radio, Twitter and Facebook. Tesar's chef clones are flooding into downtown. The tornado alarms are going off, with no news from Dallas City Hall. The streets are empty. Smoke is rising from Fair Park. The Observer will keep broadcasting.
UPDATE, 1/23 1:20 p.m.: The Observer is hiding in a lower-level garage in the Chase building. Will update when possible. Please don't post my location. I can hear the clones above. Marching. Marching. Drums in the deep.
They've broken through the door.
UPDATE, 1/24, 4:00 p.m. I am Chef John Tesar. All other Chef John Tesars will join me in my excitement as we serve wonderful, delicious food in Dallas. Please come to our restaurants. We're here to serve you, as long as you don't ask for more bread.
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