"No state is completely guilt-free when it comes to dishes with sky-high fat content," scolds the intro to Health.com's new state-by-state compilation of the nation's fattiest foods.
Problem is, the fat content for the corn dog selected to represent Texas stands at a modest 19 grams, which is pretty measly by modern Double Down standards. In the fat gram department, a corn dog's a match for McDonalds' Filet-of-Fish, which doesn't exactly strike horror in the healthy hearts of anti-obesity crusaders.
So the challenge to all proud Texas eaters is to make the corn dog worse for you. Fortunately, the Health.com list provides plenty of inspiration.
First, it's a clearly a mistake to build any dish around a hot dog, which turns out to be a caloric lightweight. Instead, corn doggers might consider borrowing their base meat from North Carolina, where a slice of livermush -- the classic loaf of pig parts that's beloved by mountaineers -- weighs in at 30 fat grams.
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Corn, of course, poses its own problems. There's really no room for vegetables in the fat-collecting game, but tradition demands a meal-based breading. Happily, there's no rule against slathering the fried dog with a layer of reindeer fat, the ingredient that helps propel Alaska's akutaq to a 91-gram fat count.
Bacon's a gimme for fat lovers: By piling one-pound of it on a very special sandwich, a Michigan restaurateur secured a 192-gram wowzer for his state. While a few slices wrapped around a corn dog aren't likely to impress Michiganders, they'd still help boost the corn dog's fattage by a good 6 grams.
Finally, the improved corn dog should probably take a salutary dunk in gravy, which plays a starring role in chicken-fried steak (attributed to Oklahoma by Health.com) and the 28 fat-gram hot beef sundae originated at Iowa's state fair.
Friends, unhealthiness is within our grasp. And with just three months to fair season, it's probably time to get cracking.