Dear M&M's: Stop With The Crappy Flavors. I'm Looking At You, Carrot Cake M&M's.

M&M's are small chocolates with candy shells. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. And they're not fucking supposed to taste like carrot cake. Or candy corn. JUST BE M&M's, M&M's. It's not that hard...

By Alice Laussade

February 22, 2013

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M&M's are small chocolates with candy shells. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. And they're not fucking supposed to taste like carrot cake. Or candy corn. JUST BE M&M's, M&M's. It's not that hard.

Also, fire your marketing research team, M&M's, because if they said your target market wants you to taste like candy corn and carrot cake, they're wrong. Or they're trying to market you to the worst kind of human beings on this planet. Either way: fired.

We were all mad enough at you when you came out with white chocolate candy corn M&M's (because: dumb), but what on earth were you thinking with these carrot cake M&M's? "It's Eastertimes, so let's blow everyone's faces off with disgusting!"

Were there several other not-chocolate options on the table that were thrown out at the flavor concepting meeting?

I'm so sad that carrot cake M&M's exist. I'm sure actual carrot cake is pissed about it, and I would bet that carrot cake M&M's themselves are completely shame-filled. As they should be.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.

Contact: Alice Laussade