Don't Call It a Comeback: Zoli's Is Reopening in Suburbanland
This, dear pizza lovers, is what Zoli's 2.0 purportedly will look like.
Zoli's has announced that it is reopening in November. This is news that we could not be happier to hear. We are puppies hugging puppies happy about this. We are post-coital smoke-break relieved that we will not have to live much longer in a world without roni cups and zucchini fries.
This news is everything. It is beyond. It is All The Greatness.
All The Greatness … but it's going to be in Addison. I mean, "and" it's in Addison. There's nothing wrong with Addison, of course. Addison is like a free tote. Sometimes you need it to get from here to there. Sometimes you're like, so super glad you have it because it holds your TGI Friday's leftovers. Addison is the business lunch of Dallas: It's fine — in fact, sometimes it's even acceptably great and you get to make work-funny, work-appropriate jokes there.
It's also an interesting choice for a brand that is as snarky as Zoli's. It feels like Zoli's is going to Pretty Woman the shit out of Addison. Zoli's is going to show up, and Addison isn't going to know what to do with itself and Addison will talk all kinds of shit about Zoli's and then Zoli's will shoot a shrimp across the dining room at Fogo De Chao and Addison will realize that Zoli's is super darling and everything will work out just great.
Cut to Zoli's teaching Addison about transgender potties and meat wreaths. Addison gasp-laughs and side-hugs Zoli's as they walk into Neighborhood Services, which it took them forever to find. Cut to Addison and Zoli's making out in a Chuy's dumpster and fade to black.
The exact new location is 14910 Midway Road in Addison, which Dallas-lifers will recall used to be a Snuffer's. Can't wait for the roni hammer to drop on Blue Goose. This is going to be epic — as evidenced by the over-the-top video Zoli's released to announce the new location, which will, in fact, have new menu items:
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