If there was one thing you were thinking during Olympic beach volleyball action yesterday, it was, "Sports bra over a sleeved shirt and pants? Dangit." If there were two things you were thinking, they were, 1) "Sports bra over a sleeved shirt and pants? Dangit." 2) "I need a drink." We're here to help with number two. (We hear it, and we don't care.)
It's time for the Olympics Drinking Game. We hope you've been training all year, so you can go for the Goldschlager.
The 2012 Summer Olympics Drinking Game
1) Anytime you hear the name "Destinee Hooker," drink. This should be obvious. Not only is she awesome at volleyball, Hooker's name is also freaking amazing. Her parents shouldn't just be cheered, they should be repeatedly cheers-ed.
2) Every time Missy Franklin intimidates you (and/or makes you crave Franklin BBQ), drink.
3) The Olympic Wedgie. It's bound to happen. Let's toast to an Olympic tradition. When you see a wedgie, drink.
4) Every time you see an Olympian's mom cry, drink. If she closes her eyes, drink. If she cusses, chug. (We saw a Aly Raisman's parents freak out the other day, which got us totally hammered.) If you see that P&G commercial about how Olympian moms are awesome, drink. (If it makes you cry, chug.)
5) When Bob Costas says "hard" and "semi" in the same sentence, do a shot. If Costas winks at you while saying "semis," run into the bathroom, lock the door and stay there for a while. If he says "semis" without the wink, just take a drink.
6) Any moment you sigh loudly, throw your palms in the air or rub your forehead humbly over the ridiculous, Mythological-god-esque physique of the a) water polo teams or b) swimmers or c) volleyball teams: take one full shot and pour it on top of nachos. Eat it.
7) Drink right now -- like pick something up off your desk and drink it -- if you know what the hell handball is without Wikipedia.
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8) Take a drink for any Olympics-related tweet that matches the following themes: staunch racism, Harry Potter, James Bond, a joke about the queen actually parachuting into the opening ceremonies, and the Swiss.
*Bonus drink: take a big drink any time you have an event's outcome spoiled in advance of the event (thanks to NBC's tape-delayed coverage).