Dude Food: Alley Oops

Alley Oops 1115 N. Beckley Ave., Dallas

All you really need to know about Alley Oops is that it's cheap, it's small, and almost everything is deep fried. I love it.

Sandwiches range from about five to eight bucks. So you want a soup or salad with that greasy Philly or burger? Why don't you ask for some steamed edamame while you're at it, you panty-waist? You get chips! Or, for a buck more, you can have fries.

But here's the best way to handle it: order the cheese fries from the appetizer menu. They're not quite Snuffer's quality, since the chives and bacon bits are chopped too delicately, but they fill the bill. Plus, they're big enough to share or take home leftovers, and you'll have a snack-size bag of chips to take home as well.

The burger is nothing fancy, but satisfyingly big. Likewise, they refuse to reinvent the Philly, already the archetypal dude food; white bread, oily beef, translucent green peppers and onions, white cheese and no mushrooms or any other bullshit. The hot dog plate actually includes two chili-cheese dogs. If you want a meal in which absolutely nothing is fried (why?), you can get the Caesar salad, a pizza or … actually, that's it. Those are your only options.

The bar itself is quiet and small, offering cheap beer, a few plasma TVs (none are monstrously big, so the nearsighted should watch the game elsewhere) and decorated in 1980s sports memorabilia, with an emphasis on Tom Landry’s Cowboys. It's like a frat house for dudes who couldn't afford to pledge, or didn't bother with college in the first place.

Dude Factor: 9, or "Willie Nelson," on a scale of 1 ("Woody Allen") to 10 ("Seth Rogen"). –Jesse Hughey

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