I'm doing you a flavor favor.
I work on commission though, so accordingly, I'll need you all to send me a dollar. This is a steal because I've saved you at least $6, which is almost two gallons of gas that could get you out to Joe Pool Lake to stare at the murky shore line, weep softly and contemplate where flavor enhancers went wrong.
This weekend I bought two bags of the new Lay's chips. See, the kids over at Frito Lay in Plano recently chose three new flavors, all of which were suggested on their Facebook page and last week said chips were packed high and tight on supermarket shelves.
Now, we're all supposed to vote on which is the best. So, on Sunday, I bought a bag of the Sriracha and Chicken and Waffles -- leaving the Cheesy Garlic Parmesan Bread behind because three bags was too much and it seemed the most predictable.
Turns out, what we're actually doing is voting on which is the least worst.
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Let's just make this simple. From my jury of six highly refined junked-out palates, four spat the chips out almost immediately. Some had to be reprimanded for where they spat, although, honestly, the reprimand was a doled out with a bit of sympathy.
The Chicken and Waffles taste like licking a table at an IHOP. The Sriracha ... I honestly just don't know what it tasted like. At first, it had the piquancy of the spicy condiment, but was followed by something like a nuclear junk yard. I can almost guarantee this is a far cry from what Tyler Raineri from Lake Zurich, Illinois, had in mind when he suggested this flavor because his sweet little grandma used to make home-made chips and dip them in Sriracha.
After the tasting, which lasted all of 42 seconds, I actually considered taking both bags back to the store and for a refund. My jury left the house to wander the city streets aimlessly. Do you have any idea how defeating it is to think you have two bags of chips to plow through at lunch, only to have your taste buds completely violated? It was the ultimate letdown of all beautiful Sunday letdowns.
The Cheesy Garlic Parmesan Bread chips get our votes simply by not being there. A win by default. A win for failing to assault.